Large companies should pay higher salaries to CEOs and executives compared to other workers. To what extent do you agree or disagree? (write 250)

The world of
working
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work
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has lots of variety in one
company
, any
different
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difference
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in income, position, or even task.
As these
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These
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kinds of things should be a factor that
pay’s
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pay
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rate is not equal like in CEOs and ships get higher revenues than other employees. In my point, I agree that they deserved these higher return
rate
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rates
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. The first reason is that CEOs or
executive
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executives
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are the
leader
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leaders
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, they take a huge and heavy responsibilities,
they
Correct word choice
and they
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need to handle and manage
overall
Correct article usage
the overall
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of
Change preposition
apply
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industry.
Moreover
, taking care
a
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of a
show examples
number of their employees
are
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is
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their
duties
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duty
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as well.
For example
, if
company
Add an article
the company
a company
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got
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gets
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fire
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fired
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, even though who
did
Unnecessary verb
apply
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is one of
subordinates
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the subordinates
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, the leader is the one who
assume
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assumes
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of
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apply
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the problems and
take
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takes
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care of the damages which occurred in
factory
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the factory
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.
Furthermore
,
people
who
became
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become
show examples
a leader
has
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have
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plenty of
knowledges
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knowledge
pieces of knowledge
bits of knowledge
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which can
be apply
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be applied
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for
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to
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their job. They study
in
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for
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higher degrees, like a master’s degree or in
Ph.D.
Correct your spelling
Ph.
and several kinds of academic
knowledges
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knowledge
pieces of knowledge
bits of knowledge
show examples
. For
instant
Replace the word
instance
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,
CEO
Correct article usage
a CEO
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in a vehicle
company
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
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not only
required
Verb problem
apply
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the
Correct article usage
an
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understanding of
industry
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the industry
show examples
but
also
in
Correct your spelling
an
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MBA to be able to manage
people
and
company
Correct article usage
a company
show examples
in terms of economic, and
phycological
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psychological
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knowledge to cope with
people in
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people's
show examples
communication
skill
Fix the agreement mistake
skills
show examples
. In summary, in real life, we have a lot of competitions which
people
have to fight for, the
more
Change the word
apply
show examples
higher
position
Correct article usage
the position
show examples
they get,
they
Correct your spelling
the
show examples
more responsibility and risk are
return
Wrong verb form
returned
show examples
.
Company
Add an article
The company
A company
show examples
should pay higher revenues for leaders,
as a result
of the difficulty in their
task
Fix the agreement mistake
tasks
show examples
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
responsibilities, and
knowledges
Change the wording
knowledge
pieces of knowledge
bits of knowledge
show examples
.
Submitted by writersdiary101 on

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Introduction/Conclusion
The essay lacks a clear introduction and conclusion. It begins abruptly and does not have a clear final paragraph summarizing the arguments made. An effective essay should have a clear introduction that introduces the topic and a conclusion that summarizes the main points.
Paragraph Structure
Use clear, topic-centred paragraphs to structure the essay. Each paragraph should contain a main idea followed by supporting details. This essay's paragraphs could be more focused, and transitions between ideas could be smoother.
Supporting Examples
Support main points with specific examples. This essay provides general statements without concrete examples to illustrate the points being made. Include relevant examples or data to strengthen your argument.
Logical Flow
Work on maintaining a consistent and logical flow throughout the essay. Each paragraph should logically follow the previous one, leading the reader clearly through your arguments. This essay sometimes jumps between ideas without clear connections.
Task Response
Respond fully to the task by directly addressing the extent to which you agree or disagree throughout the essay. Make sure your opinion is clear and carried consistently throughout. This essay could be clearer in stating the writer's opinion and linking it to the discussion.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • executive compensation
  • income disparity
  • corporate governance
  • incentive structures
  • ethical considerations
  • competitive advantage
  • demotivation
  • pay structures
  • social inequality
  • talent acquisition
  • company culture
  • economic impact
  • leadership roles
  • employee morale
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