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Band 5

some experts believe that it is better for children to begin learning a foriegn language at primary school rather than secondary school. do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

#experts #children #foriegn #language #school #outweigh
Learning a second
language
 has become a common practice in almost all parts of the world.
However
, there
are
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is
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 some debate about
exact
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the exact
show examples
 time when pupils should start learning it.
Although
,
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apply
show examples
 early studying a new
language
 has some drawbacks, I believe that they are outweighed by several benefits.
To begin
 with, there are a lot of advantages
of
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to
show examples
 learning a new
language
 at the beginning of education.
Firstly
, children have better memory
rather
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apply
show examples
than adults,
thus
, becoming a master is
more
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apply
show examples
easier.
For example
, some people nowadays forget everything
that is
 not related to their work, but they have the ability not to forget what they studied in elementary
school
.
Secondly
, pupils have only 2 or 3 subjects at primary
school
 which allows them to spend significant time
for
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apply
show examples
studying other languages.
Also
, it helps them to train
Correct pronoun usage
their brain
show examples
brain
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brains
show examples
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at in
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in
Correct your spelling
an
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 early age and improve
the
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their
show examples
 capacity
of
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for
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 memorising.
On the other hand
, one of the disadvantages of starting to learn
language
Add an article
a language
the language
show examples
 for the young generation is
lack
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the lack
show examples
 of feeling
a
Correct your spelling
of
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 childhood. All children want to play games with their peers outside and more attention from parents.
While
,
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apply
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 parents think only about their future and do not care about the feelings of the child.
For instance
,
in
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apply
show examples
South Korea has a
strongly
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strong
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 system of education which does not
allowed
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allow
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 pupils have relax
on
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in
show examples
leisure
Correct pronoun usage
their leisure
show examples
 time. Because parents require
from
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apply
show examples
their children to become smart rather than others and
among
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apply
show examples
older people have their own competition.
To sum up
, there are some conflicts amongst experts about the addendum of a new
language
 for
education
Correct article usage
the education
show examples
 system at primary
school
 rather than at middle
school
. I think that learning
new
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a new
show examples
language
 at elementary
school
 has more benefits and they outweigh the negative sides.
Submitted by gulnur.zhumanali2023 on

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introduction conclusion present
Your introduction briefly addresses the topic, but it lacks a clear thesis statement where you outline the direction of your argument. A strong thesis can provide a roadmap for the reader and enhance the introduction.
logical structure
Use a range of cohesive devices to structure your ideas more clearly. While some logical sequencing is present, transitions between ideas could be smoother and paragraphing could be used more effectively.
supported main points
Develop your main points with deeper analysis and offer more detailed examples. Your arguments would benefit from specific instances or studies that support your viewpoint on the early language acquisition.
complete response
It's good to see you addressed the prompt by discussing the advantages and disadvantages regarding the timing of foreign language education. However, each distinct idea could be expanded further to show a fuller understanding and engagement with the topic. Be sure to answer all parts of the question in a balanced way.
clear comprehensive ideas
Clarify your ideas further. Aim to explain your reasoning and the implications of your arguments in more depth. This will help ensure that the reader fully understands and is persuaded by your viewpoint.
relevant specific examples
Incorporate relevant, specific examples to substantiate your arguments. The examples you used are a good start; however, more detailed illustrations or evidence would strengthen your essay and provide clearer support.

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