IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

some experts believe that it is better for children to begin learning a foriegn language at primary school rather than secondary school. do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

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Learning a second
language
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 has become a common practice in almost all parts of the world.
However
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, there
are
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is
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 some debate about
exact
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the exact
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 time when pupils should start learning it.
Although
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,
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apply
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 early studying a new
language
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 has some drawbacks, I believe that they are outweighed by several benefits.
To begin
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 with, there are a lot of advantages
of
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to
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 learning a new
language
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 at the beginning of education.
Firstly
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, children have better memory
rather
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apply
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than adults,
thus
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, becoming a master is
more
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apply
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easier.
For example
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, some people nowadays forget everything
that is
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 not related to their work, but they have the ability not to forget what they studied in elementary
school
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.
Secondly
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, pupils have only 2 or 3 subjects at primary
school
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 which allows them to spend significant time
for
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apply
show examples
studying other languages.
Also
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, it helps them to train
Correct pronoun usage
their brain
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brain
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brains
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at in
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in
Correct your spelling
an
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 early age and improve
the
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their
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 capacity
of
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for
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 memorising.
On the other hand
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, one of the disadvantages of starting to learn
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language
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a language
the language
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 for the young generation is
lack
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the lack
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 of feeling
a
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of
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 childhood. All children want to play games with their peers outside and more attention from parents.
While
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,
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apply
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 parents think only about their future and do not care about the feelings of the child.
For instance
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,
in
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apply
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South Korea has a
strongly
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strong
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 system of education which does not
allowed
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allow
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 pupils have relax
on
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in
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leisure
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their leisure
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 time. Because parents require
from
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apply
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their children to become smart rather than others and
among
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apply
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older people have their own competition.
To sum up
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, there are some conflicts amongst experts about the addendum of a new
language
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 for
education
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the education
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 system at primary
school
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 rather than at middle
school
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. I think that learning
new
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a new
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language
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 at elementary
school
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 has more benefits and they outweigh the negative sides.

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introduction conclusion present
Your introduction briefly addresses the topic, but it lacks a clear thesis statement where you outline the direction of your argument. A strong thesis can provide a roadmap for the reader and enhance the introduction.
logical structure
Use a range of cohesive devices to structure your ideas more clearly. While some logical sequencing is present, transitions between ideas could be smoother and paragraphing could be used more effectively.
supported main points
Develop your main points with deeper analysis and offer more detailed examples. Your arguments would benefit from specific instances or studies that support your viewpoint on the early language acquisition.
complete response
It's good to see you addressed the prompt by discussing the advantages and disadvantages regarding the timing of foreign language education. However, each distinct idea could be expanded further to show a fuller understanding and engagement with the topic. Be sure to answer all parts of the question in a balanced way.
clear comprehensive ideas
Clarify your ideas further. Aim to explain your reasoning and the implications of your arguments in more depth. This will help ensure that the reader fully understands and is persuaded by your viewpoint.
relevant specific examples
Incorporate relevant, specific examples to substantiate your arguments. The examples you used are a good start; however, more detailed illustrations or evidence would strengthen your essay and provide clearer support.
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