IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Individuals can do nothing to improve the environment; only governments and large companies can make a difference. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Opinion is divided whether or not
people
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 have any responsibility to protect the
environment
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.
While
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 many argue that it is only goverments and
companies
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 contribute to the
environment
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 protection, I object
this
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 trend and
this
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 essay will give
further
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 information. Admitedly, it is human intervention that leads to the degradation of our natural
environment
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. Through direct and indirect activities, they have inflicted
such
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 tremendously negative effects on the
environment
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.
In other words
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, several problems can be listed
such
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 as: overpopulation, deforestation and burning fossil fuels.
As a result
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, it becomes more evident for
people
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 to rectify their mistakes and make contributions to preserve the
environment
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.
First,
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it is essential for them to abstain from wasting our natural energy. As the demands to feed many individuals around the world, the corresponding need for natural resources becomes massive, culminating in the depletion of our invaluable possessions. By indoctrinating some fundamental limits in everyone's life
such
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 as: turning off the faucet and swtiching off the light when not in use and collecting garbages around the neighbours, they can make big differences to protect the world we are living.
Second,
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many
people
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 can indoctrinate campaigns aimed at heightening public awareness about the ways to make our world become better.
For instance
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, many private schools and organizations can indoctrinate
this
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 issue into children's education. Despite the goverment
companies
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 and government's efforts to protect our natural habitats. It becomes incumbent for both those and humans alike to share their responsibilities in dealing with
such
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 problems. The shift in
people
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's behaviors
such
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 as: transitioning to eco-friendly alternatives exerts
such
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 pressure on many
companies
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 and industries that amplify their consumption of energy to manufacture products.
Also
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, it is crucial for the government to reinforce punitive measures against those who neglect the regulations in protecting the
environment
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. In conclusion,
people
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 can even do several basic things to protect the
environment
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 on a regular basis and share the duties with the government and
companies
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 themselves.

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task achievement
While you provide a clear opinion and some main ideas, you should develop your arguments further. Aim to include a mix of generalized arguments with specific, detailed examples to substantiate your points. Make sure each paragraph has a clear main idea, with a topic sentence that expresses this idea unambiguously.
coherence cohesion
There is a recognizable logical structure to the essay, but it is undermined by grammatical errors and awkward phrasing that hinder readability. Work on sentence formation and be sure to proofread your work for mistakes. Make sure your introduction and conclusion are clear and that they effectively outline your essay's main points and your stance on the topic.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • environmental awareness
  • sustainable practices
  • renewable energy
  • carbon footprint
  • waste reduction
  • conservation
  • ecosystem
  • pollution
  • climate change
  • responsibility
  • leadership
  • legislation
  • investment
  • collaboration
  • systemic change
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