IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

The shortage of housing in big cities can cause severe consequences. Only governments actions can solve this problem. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#shortage #cities #consequences #governments #actions
It is undeniable that low-quality house construction in big cities can lead to negative outcomes related to people’s lives. I personally believe that
authorities
 are the only organizations that can address
this
 issue. On the one hand, high-quality accommodation requires a huge investment which most people can not afford, causing the lack of houses with good conditions resulting in a need for government support.
In other words
,
besides
 housing, people have to spend their money on other essential services and food, contributing to a consideration for balance expenses.
Consequently
, individuals with limited budgets take a small amount of money to pay for low-quality housing regardless of risks related to safety.
As a result
, it is necessary for administrations to be in charge of raising house funds to lend to residents with low interest if they use the loans for good housing.
Furthermore
, governments can diversify levels of taxes, applying lower taxes for communities with low incomes, helping them to decrease tax burdens,
contributing
Correct word choice
and contributing
show examples
 to consideration for better accommodations.
On the other hand
,
authorities
 need to enact stricter regulations for house construction processes. The lack of integrity in housing establishments from some organizations is observing an upward trend. It means that they decrease housing investment budgets for personal purposes causing lower amounts of money that can merely afford low-quality building materials,
consequently
 attributed as a main reason for the shortage of housing.
Hence
, in order to address the aforementioned issue,
authorities
 are the sole institutions which have sufficient power to control
this
 bad situation by banning heavy fines for individuals who are working illegally. In conclusion, the housing crisis caused by the deficiency of quality can be solved by no one except
authorities
 as they can apply supporting methods and regulations to improve the occurrence
Submitted by nguyenmysam722001 on

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task achievement
Your essay addresses the topic, but the main points are not consistently clear or well-developed. Work on presenting more specific and elaborated arguments to strengthen your position.
task achievement
While you have an introduction and conclusion, the introduction could be clearer in stating your position, and the conclusion could better summarize the main points. Ensure both are directly addressing the questions posed.
coherence cohesion
Your essay would benefit from more varied sentence structures and better use of cohesive devices to link ideas and paragraphs together. Aim for seamless transitions between sentences and ideas for improved readability.
task achievement
You need to provide specific examples and evidence to support your arguments. This will make your essay more persuasive and demonstrate your understanding of the topic.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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