IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 8

More and more people today are buying and driving cars which has a positive impact for the economy but can hurt the environment. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages

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It is widely observed that
cars
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 are becoming increasingly popular with citizens in present-day society.
While
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 I acknowledge the economic
benefits
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 of
this
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 development, I believe they pale in comparison with its detrimental effects on the environment. Granted, the automobile
industry
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 has made great contributions to the economy in many ways. Given the fact that only a handful of well-developed countries have companies that are financially and technologically capable of producing
cars
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, a large proportion of these
cars
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 are exported to less developed countries, bringing about tremendous
benefits
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 for the former countries’ national economy.
For example
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, the US, Germany and Japan are all major economies whose success can be largely attributed to their car exports. It is
also
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 important to note that
this
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industry
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 has created an incredibly wide range of job opportunities,
thus
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 providing finance for millions of people.
However
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, I would argue that these economic
benefits
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 are outweighed by the harm
cars
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 cause to the environment. Considering that car production requires gigantic amounts of fossil fuels, it comes as no surprise that
this
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industry
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 is currently one of the key drivers behind the accelerating depletion of these renewable resources.
In addition
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,
cars
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 release significant volumes of exhaust fumes, which greatly exacerbates various environmental problems, namely air pollution and climate change.
This
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 can be seen in the case of the US, where carbon dioxide and greenhouse gases emitted from
cars
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 account for a massive one-fifth of the country’s total global warming pollution. In summary,
while
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 it is true that the automobile
industry
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 can offer various financial
benefits
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 for both individuals and countries, these
benefits
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 are nullified by the damage it does to the environment.

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task achievement
Consider including a brief reference to potential solutions or alternative perspectives on the issue. This can make the argument more balanced and comprehensive.
coherence cohesion
Improve transitions between some ideas to enhance the logical flow. Although the essay is well-structured, a few more linking words or phrases would further improve clarity.
introduction conclusion present
Excellent introduction and conclusion, framing the essay and summarizing the key points efficiently.
supported main points
The arguments are well-supported with relevant examples, such as the case of the US and the impact of car exports on its economy.
complete response
Thorough and complete response to the task, effectively addressing both advantages and disadvantages of increasing car usage.
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