Some people think that mothers should spend most of their time raising their family, and therefore the government should support them financially. Do you agree or disagree?
A
sustantial
number of individuals say that Correct your spelling
substantial
mothers
have to care about their family by passing an approximate time
, and because of that the goverment
should pay their expenses to Correct your spelling
government
support
. To be honest,I Correct pronoun usage
support them
am not completely agree
Change the verb form
do not completely agree
about
Change preposition
with
this
idea, so as a woman
I will explane
Correct your spelling
explain
in
some views in Change preposition
apply
this
essay .
Needless to say that in our modern world
a Add a comma
world,
mother
has a particular place in society who
has special rights and responses as a Correct word choice
and
woman
; therefore
,when a woman
become
a Change the verb form
becomes
mother
her responsibilitise increes dramaticly
; Correct your spelling
responsibility increases dramatically
for example
, a woman
who has a job and make money for the family may spend a lot of her time
out of home , yet when she become
a Change the verb form
becomes
mother
she can not be a bredwiner
and has to care of her child at least Correct your spelling
breadwinner
while
it is an infant ; consiquensy
, the Correct your spelling
consequently
goverment
should Correct your spelling
government
support
her financialy
till the age of adolescence not more.
It is crystal clear that women who are active in society and communicate with others are more effective Correct your spelling
financially
on
their families; Change preposition
in
however
, if they do not work and take part they can not be update
with the Change the verb form
be updated
envirenment
; to shed light on Correct your spelling
environment
this
, the mothers
who have participate
in the society can teach and raise their children better than those who are housewives and spend most of their Change the form of the verb
participated
time
at home; hence
, if goverments
Correct your spelling
governments
government
support
and pay their expensess
, Correct your spelling
expenses
mothers
do not feel to need social activities and do not efforts.
To conclude
, in my oppinion
Correct your spelling
opinion
to
raising a family there is no need for a Change preposition
apply
mother
to spend most of her time
at home,in other words
,should Correct article usage
the goverment
goverment
Correct your spelling
government
support
mothers
financialy
Correct your spelling
financially
financial
familis
will become unsociable Correct your spelling
families
family
finally
and it is not suhtable
for a modern planet.Correct your spelling
suitable
Submitted by sajad.bazdar.2012 on
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coherence cohesion
Your essay lacks a clear logical structure, making it difficult to follow your argument. Consider organizing your paragraphs with clear topic sentences and ensuring each paragraph contains one main idea that is developed and expanded upon. Transitions between ideas should be smooth and contribute to the overall cohesion of the essay.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present but they need to more effectively bookend your argument. The introduction should clearly state your position and the conclusion should reiterate your main points without introducing new ideas. Be more concise and focus on clarity to enhance the impact of these key components.
coherence cohesion
You need to support your main points with more developed explanations and relevant examples. Your arguments are often asserted without sufficient evidence or illustration. Use specific examples to substantiate your claims and increase the persuasive power of your essay.
task achievement
Your response to the task needs to address the prompt more directly and thoroughly. Provide a more detailed exploration of the topic, making sure to cover all aspects of the question. Avoid tangential discussions and ensure that each paragraph contributes to your stance on the issue.
task achievement
Your ideas are not always expressed clearly or comprehensively. Work on crafting more precise and articulate sentences to convey your thoughts. Avoid over-complicating your language, as simplicity often leads to greater clarity and a more comprehensible essay.
task achievement
Your essay would benefit from including more specific and relevant examples to support your arguments. Draw on real-life situations, studies, or credible hypothetical scenarios to illustrate your points and make your arguments more convincing.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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