IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

write a letter to a organizer of annual festival which is going to organize in your place. Give feedback for last year, mention what you can do and ask some question about festival

#organizer #place #feedback #year
On
this
 good opportunity, I decided to
holding
Change the verb
hold
show examples
 an
event
. Actually, I want to form a team to
succes
Correct your spelling
succeed
this
Change preposition
in this
show examples
event
on
Change preposition
at
show examples
 the
last
 of the
year
. I am planning to
make
Verb problem
have
show examples
 an annual festival at Sanur Garden. I saw the annual festival
last
year
 had succed and got many attention from people to joined the festival in there. If we use that place again for the annual festival
this
year
, I hope we can get
many
Correct quantifier usage
more
show examples
 people will join more than
last
year
. It makes us
to
Change the verb form
apply
show examples
get many
sponsorship
Change to a plural noun
sponsorships
show examples
 for
this
event
.
Furthermore
, for
annual
Add an article
the annual
show examples
 festival
this
year
, I am
also
planning
Add the particle
planning to
show examples
 add
any
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
bazaars to join
this
event
. So, we can get more funds for return
the
Change preposition
on the
show examples
 investment. I
am
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
also
 want to invite more guests
star
Fix the infinitive
to star
show examples
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
this
event
.
This
 moment can
makes
Change the verb form
make
show examples
 many people decide to come. I hope we can
succes
Correct your spelling
succeed
success
this
Change preposition
in this
show examples
 annual festival as
good
Change the word
well
show examples
 as possible.
Submitted by ru.kabiru.biru on

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coherence cohesion
The letter lacks a proper structure, such as an introductory greeting, clear paragraphing, and a closing. Ensure that future letters include a formal address to the recipient, paragraphs for each main idea, and a polite ending with a signature.
task achievement
The purpose of the letter isn't clearly conveyed, and the task is only partially achieved. When writing, make sure to state the purpose at the beginning, offer specific feedback on the last festival, suggest your contributions clearly, and end with questions you have about the upcoming festival.

The Greeting

Depending on the style and aim of the letter, you will need to adapt your greeting.

Always start an informal letter in the ways:

  • Dear + name
  • Hi / Hello + name

‘Dear...’ is more appropriate, so stick with this.

For a formal letter there are two options for the greeting:

  • Use Dear Sir or Madam if you don’t know the name of the person you are writing to.
  • Use Dear + surname if you do know their name, e.g. Dear Mr Smith or Dear Mrs Jones.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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