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Band 6

In some cultures, children are often told they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message?

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Currently, there is a prevalent
belief
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 in certain cultures that instilling in
children
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 the notion that perseverance and dedication can lead to
success
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 can have a profound impact on their development.
While
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this
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approach
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 can serve as a source of motivation for young individuals to cultivate their potential, it
also
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 has the potential to result in adverse psychological effects.
Initially
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,
this
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 phenomenon, often imparted to
children
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 by their parents and other family members, plays a pivotal role in inspiring and instilling a work ethic
that is
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 conducive to achieving
success
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 in the future. Many parents hold the
belief
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 that by fostering a rigorous work ethic and
a
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apply
show examples
constant pursuit of knowledge, their
children
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 will be equipped to navigate diverse challenges and environments, thereby reaping various benefits and positive outcomes.
This
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approach
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 may indeed prove beneficial for certain groups of
children
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 who possess exceptional abilities and a resilient disposition.
For instance
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, for those who
harbor
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harbour
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 strong ambitions, exhibit a profound passion for certain academic subjects, and demonstrate resilience in the face of negative social influences,
this
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 mindset can be conducive to actualizing their aspirations at an early stage.
Consequently
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, in
such
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 cases,
this
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belief
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 can afford unique opportunities to
children
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 whose strengths align with
this
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 demanding lifestyle.
Conversely
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,
this
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approach
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 has its downsides, as it may lead to disillusionment and ill health among other segments of
children
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. Some individuals may prefer to defer the pursuit of their ambitions to a later stage in life
due to
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 a lack of the particular strengths and personality traits required to adhere to an excessively demanding lifestyle.
For instance
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, the majority of
children
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 may not possess the resources and fortitude to forgo their regular social interactions and daily necessities in order to achieve
success
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.
Furthermore
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, many parents may struggle to comprehend and accommodate their
children
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's needs and emotions, leaving them without the necessary support and resulting in feelings of isolation and misunderstanding.
Consequently
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, rather than achieving
success
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, these
children
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 may confront mental health issues
such
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 as depression and emotional exhaustion. In conclusion, the concept of hard work as a pathway to
success
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 has its merits and demerits.
While
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 it can create opportunities for
children
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 who are suited to an arduous and focused lifestyle, it can
also
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 have adverse consequences for those less equipped for
such
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 a demanding
approach
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.
Therefore
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, it is crucial to consider the individual needs and capabilities of
children
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 when fostering
this
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belief
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.

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Task Achievement
Ensure that the main points presented throughout the essay are consistently supported by specific and relevant examples that further strengthen the argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
Work on developing clear and precise topic sentences for each paragraph to enhance the reader's understanding of the main points being conveyed.
Task Achievement
Provide a balanced argument by discussing both advantages and disadvantages evenly, this will also help in showing the ability to examine both sides of an argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
Make an effort to employ a wider range of cohesive devices and synonyms to avoid repetition and ensure the language does not become too formulaic.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • achieve
  • try hard
  • positive mindset
  • self-belief
  • motivates
  • ambitious goals
  • resilience
  • determination
  • confidence
  • self-esteem
  • growth mindset
  • unrealistic expectations
  • disappointment
  • failure
  • effort
  • hard work
  • seek support
  • individual differences
  • abilities
  • capabilities
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