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Band 7.5

Some people think that space explortation is beneficial for mankind. Do you agree or disagree?

#people #space #explortation #mankind
In recent years,
space
exploration
 has become a controversial topic. I believe that it will definitely bring many advantages for humans,
while
 its development will
also
 cause evident disadvantages. With regard to the merits of
space
exploration
,
firstly
, it is a necessary preparation for humans to survive before Earth's death. Based on
space
 knowledge, solar will surely exhaust its energy in the future. If mankind wants to survive and continue its civilization after that, they have to find another suitable planet beyond the Solar system.
In addition
, with the development of technology, Earth’s natural resources will run out. If astronauts can discover some alternative or even more efficient energy, it will ensure the development of Earth technology sustainably.
On the other hand
, there are some demerits of
space
exploration
. First of all, it is a really expensive project. It will burn a huge amount of taxpayers’ money now, but they perhaps cannot receive any return immediately. Many citizens hope their government can put the problems of poverty, health care and education as first priority.
Moreover
,
space
exploration
 is full of risk. People hear some rocket explosion news every year, which means
this
 technology is still not mature enough.
Therefore
, it lacks of security guarantee when someone devotes themselves to a
space
 project. In conclusion,
although
space
exploration
 has some benefits in preparing for the human future and finding supplements for energy aspects, it still has some shortcomings in the cost of money and personal safety. The government should arrange a reasonable budget to invest in it to avoid the impact on normal social needs.
Submitted by s_syedy on

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coherence cohesion
It's important to structure your essay in a clear and logical manner, which includes an introduction, fully-developed paragraphs, and a conclusion. Your essay has a discernible structure with these elements present, but ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea for improved clarity.
coherence cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, aim to use a range of cohesive devices appropriately in your essay, such as linking words and pronouns to connect ideas. This has been somewhat achieved, but you should strive for more variance and precision in using such devices.
task achievement
Your essay addresses the task at hand, discussing both merits and demerits of space exploration. However, to reach a higher score, you need to provide a more nuanced argument and deeper insight, rather than simply listing pros and cons. Be sure to add a personal voice and to discuss implications or solutions.
task achievement
Though clear in its progression of ideas, your essay could benefit from more specific examples and data to back up the claims made, thereby increasing the strength of your arguments and engaging the reader more effectively.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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