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Band 6

Topic: It is better for college students to live far away from home than live at home with their parents . Do you agree or disagree .

#topic #college #students #home #parents
It might be a better choice for college
students
 to live long distances from their
families
 compared with living at home. Personally, I completely approve of
this
 view since the advantages brought by living away from home outweigh the benefits of the latter. We have to admit that there are some positive influences on living with
families
, where the primary benefit is reducing the extra costs of accommodation. As all we know, college
students
 are required to rent a department near their universities, which means a great expenditure and
thus
 increases their financial stress.
By contrast
, they can save
this
 budget if
staying
Wrong verb form
they stay
show examples
 with their parents.
Secondly
, staying with
families
 provides more opportunities for interactions and
thus
 contributes to strengthening relationships with each other.
Therefore
, living at home has some benefits from both economic and domestic aspects. Regardless of the arguments mentioned above, I consider that living away from
parents
Correct pronoun usage
my parents
show examples
 contains a wider range of advantages.
Firstly
,
students
 who live alone are more likely to foster a sense of independence,
such
 as solving problems without the help of others, doing chores and taking care of themselves. I consider it is significantly conducive to
students
' personal growth, benefiting them to rapidly adapt to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
social environments.
Secondly
,
in contrast
 with staying with
families
, they have more chances to keep in touch with their contemporaries.
Thus
, they can share their experiences in the study and support each other in both academic and professional pursuits.
Overall
,
while
 living with
families
 has various benefits,
such
 as reduction of costs and close relations with
families
, I believe it is more beneficial for college
students
 to live alone, which contributes to the improvement of their personal growth.
Submitted by 609553855 on

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task response
Ensure your essay has a clear position throughout. While you have answered the question, deeper exploration and more nuanced argumentation could make your position even stronger.
coherence cohesion
To enhance coherence and cohesion, make sure you use a variety of linking phrases effectively to connect ideas and paragraphs. Also, work on the precision of topic sentences to better guide the reader through your argument.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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