IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

People nowadays sleep less than they used to in the past. What do you think is the reason behind this? What are the effects on individuals and people around them?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
It is generally acknowledged that in these days and
Fix the agreement mistake
ages
show examples
age
Add a comma
age,
show examples
 people tend to sleep less compared to recent ages. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, I will examine the factors that contribute towards the lack of sleep and the effects it causes.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, social media plays a significant role in
this
Linking Words
 problem.
In other words
Linking Words
, the increased intake of social media becomes the cause of undersleeping.
For example
Linking Words
, a
person
Use synonyms
 who is on their phone all the time,
such
Linking Words
 as the online platform TikTok would ignore his well-being and would rather doom scrolling thanks to the dopamine rush he got and
as a result
Linking Words
, he is now addicted,
thus
Linking Words
,
sleep
Wrong verb form
sleeping
show examples
fewer
Correct quantifier usage
less
show examples
.
In addition
Linking Words
, an individual who is addicted to playing games would abandon his need to reach certain levels or ranks in games.
This
Linking Words
, of course, could lead to a bigger problem,
for
Linking Words
instance
Add the comma(s)
instance,
show examples
 mental health issues.
Therefore
Linking Words
, I believe
due to
Linking Words
 these factors, the impact of the lack of sleep is that individuals' effectiveness is declining owing to not having enough sleep. When the body
fulfilling
Wrong verb form
fulfils
show examples
 its recommended sleeping hours, the
person
Use synonyms
would wake
Wrong verb form
wakes
show examples
 up feeling energetic in comparison with those who slept under eight or nine hours.
For instance
Linking Words
, an individual would start his day with a lack of energy.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
due to
Linking Words
 tiredness, a
person
Use synonyms
's mood could change easily,
hence
Linking Words
, he would feel sensitive. In conclusion, in the past people slept more than nowadays. I reckon that social media has a big role in
this
Linking Words
 issue,
moreover
Linking Words
, it has a negative impact on the
person
Use synonyms
's productivity.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

structure
Ensure the essay has a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. The introduction should introduce the topic and provide a clear position on the issue. Each body paragraph should have a clear main idea followed by explanations and/or examples. The conclusion should summarize the main points and restate your position.
task response
To improve task achievement, make sure to fully address all parts of the prompt. This essay mentioned the reasons and effects superficially. It would be better to explore these in more depth, providing more detailed explanations and specific examples.
coherence cohesion
Work on the development of ideas. Each paragraph needs a clear central theme that is developed logically. Also, ensure that paragraphs flow smoothly from one to the next with suitable transition words and phrases.
lexical resource
Use a range of vocabulary to accurately reflect the complexity of the topic. Avoid repetition and ensure precision in word choice.
grammatical range accuracy
Check your writing for grammatical errors and strive to use a variety of sentence structures. Accurate use of complex sentences can also help to enhance the quality of your writing.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: