IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The most important function of music is that it helps people reduce stress. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#function #music #people #stress
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In today's society,
music
Use synonyms
 plays an essential role in our lives. Some people believe that stress could be reduced by listening to particular
music
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,
while
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 others disagree with
this
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 idea. In
this
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 essay, I will explain why I agree with
this
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 statement and provide examples to support my position.
Firstly
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,
music
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 is an arranged set of tones that could hit a specific part of our
brain
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 and
then
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 could help lower our stress level.
This
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 is because studies prove that there are some tones,
such
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 as like sound produced by a piano or sometimes with words like our modern
music
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, could release our stress levels.
For instance
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, in hypnotherapist practice, before the therapist makes a suggestion to a patient, they use
music
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 to make the patient relax and make the therapy more efficient and impactful.
Therefore
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,
it is clear that
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music
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 could assist a person to have a brighter mind.
Additionally
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,
music
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 could stimulate our intellect growth and repair the
brain
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's damage.
Music
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 become one of the methods to cure a patient with
brain
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 disease and amplify the
brain
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's growth.
For example
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, it can be seen that pregnant women used to have a headphone on their belly to send
music
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 to their babies,
such
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 as Mozart's piece.
On the other hand
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, some people argue
music
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 could distract humans from their goal so they can't achieve what they want. In the end, they will become stressed more than ever.
However
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,
this
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 argument is flawed because it doesn't apply to large-scale populations.
As a result
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,
music
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 could give enormous benefits to humans. In conclusion,
while
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 it is true that
music
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 could obstruct someone's dream, the benefits of
music
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 far outweigh the drawbacks.
Therefore
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, I strongly agree with the statement that the most important function of
music
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 is to make people produce better results.
Submitted by aulia.abdillah.ramadhan on

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task achievement
The essay should maintain a clear position throughout in response to the prompt; your stance seems to evolve and the final conclusion does not align with the initial argument made. Ensure that the thesis is clear and the conclusion is consistent with the introduction.
coherence cohesion
Your essay does maintain a basic logical structure, linking ideas and paragraphs. However, to improve, you should ensure that transitions between ideas are smoother and that each paragraph develops a single main idea with clear supporting examples.
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