IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

3)Although countries with long average working hours are economically successful, this often has some negative social consequences. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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In contemporary
society
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, there is an ongoing debate about the relationship between a nation's economic
success
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 and the average working
hours
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 of its citizens.
While
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 it is true that countries with long average working
hours
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 often boast economic prosperity, it is essential to recognize that
this
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success
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 may come at a cost—negative social consequences.
This
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 essay aims to explore the extent to which I agree with the notion that prolonged working
hours
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 can have adverse effects on
society
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.
To begin
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 with, it is undeniable that countries with citizens who work longer
hours
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 tend to experience higher economic growth. Longer working
hours
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 often result in increased productivity, leading to higher levels of output and economic
success
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. As people dedicate more
time
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 to their jobs, businesses flourish, and the
overall
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 economic landscape improves.
This
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 connection between longer working
hours
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 and economic prosperity is evident in various successful nations around the world.
However
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, the downside of
this
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success
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 is the toll it takes on the social fabric of a
society
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. One of the most notable negative consequences is the impact on
individuals
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' health and well-being. Prolonged working
hours
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 can contribute to stress, burnout, and various health issues.
Individuals
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 may find themselves with limited
time
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 for rest, leisure, and personal
relationships
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, leading to an imbalance between work and life. In the long run,
this
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 can result in a less healthy and less satisfied population.
Furthermore
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, the strain of long working
hours
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 can
also
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 affect family dynamics and
community
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relationships
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. With
individuals
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 spending an increasing amount of
time
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 at work, the quality of family
time
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 often suffers.
This
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 can lead to strained
relationships
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, especially between parents and children.
Additionally
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, the sense of
community
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 may erode as people become engrossed in their professional lives, leaving little
time
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 for social interactions and
community
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 engagement. Another social consequence is the potential for increased inequality.
While
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 the
overall
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 economy may thrive with longer working
hours
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, the benefits may not be distributed equally among all members of
society
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. There is a risk that certain groups, particularly those in lower-income brackets or with less access to job opportunities, may be left behind, exacerbating social disparities. In conclusion,
while
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 longer working
hours
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 may contribute to economic
success
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, it is crucial to acknowledge the negative social consequences that can arise. The toll on
individuals
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' health,
strain
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the strain
show examples
 on family and
community
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relationships
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, and the potential for increased inequality are all factors that need to be considered.
Therefore
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, I agree to a certain extent that countries with long average working
hours
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 may achieve economic
success
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, but it is essential to address and mitigate the associated social costs to build a more balanced and sustainable
society
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.

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coherence cohesion
You have provided a clear introduction and conclusion, but the body paragraphs could benefit from clearer topic sentences and more effective sequencing of ideas. Consider using a wider variety of linking words and phrases to improve the logical flow between sentences and paragraphs.
task achievement
The task has been addressed, and you have presented a position with a conclusion that summarizes your viewpoint. However, the essay lacks specific examples and detailed analysis to support your arguments. To enhance your task achievement score, include relevant examples and further exploration of the social consequences mentioned.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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