The Government Is Wasting Money On Arts And This Money Could Be Better Spent Elsewhere To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#government #money #arts

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?

In today's fast-paced world, society

argue

Change the verb form

argues

show examples

whether investing in

arts

Use synonyms

is beneficial to

Use synonyms

government

Add an article

the government

show examples

. Some say that spending on

arts

Use synonyms

is not a waste and

useful

Add a missing verb

is useful

show examples

for

Linking Words

overall

Add an article

the overall

show examples

population.

However

Linking Words

, numerous individuals consider that funding the

arts

Use synonyms

is detrimental

for

Change preposition

show examples

Use synonyms

government

Add an article

the government

show examples

This

Linking Words

essay will discuss both perceptions and I will conclude with personal my opinion.

To begin

Linking Words

with, Investment in

arts

Use synonyms

plays

important

Correct article usage

an important

show examples

roles

Fix the agreement mistake

role

show examples

in cultural preservation, cherishing creativity and cross-cultural understanding.

Arts

Use synonyms

is the way to conserve culture since it inscribed the way of life from the past.

Moreover

Linking Words

arts

Use synonyms

can inspire

people

Use synonyms

to make new works of

Use synonyms

arts

Fix the agreement mistake

art

show examples

as well as

Linking Words

help

people

Use synonyms

understand crossing

culture

Fix the agreement mistake

cultures

show examples

more. Despite the

postive

Correct your spelling

positive

effects, there are many

people

Use synonyms

still

Correct pronoun usage

who still

show examples

think that

govermental

Correct your spelling

government

support for

Use synonyms

arts

Correct article usage

the arts

show examples

are

Change the verb form

show examples

not crucial and the

government

Use synonyms

should spend money on more important issues for

quality

Correct article usage

the quality

show examples

Use synonyms

people

Change noun form

people's

show examples

life. Since there are still a lot of issues that require funding more

such

Linking Words

as healthcare, education and infrastructure. To recapitulate, both views have reasonable claims;

nonetheless

Linking Words

, I firmly believe that funding the

arts

Use synonyms

is essential for the

government

Use synonyms

. The preservation of culture, fostering

Change preposition

show examples

creativity and the promotion of cross-cultural understanding

Correct subject-verb agreement

are

show examples

invaluable contributions that

arts

Use synonyms

make to society. By appreciating and supporting these intrinsic values,

government

Use synonyms

can contribute to the flourishing of their societies in meaningful ways.

Submitted by taokhampaen on Wed Dec 13 2023

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion

Your essay lacks a clear progression of ideas. It would benefit from more cohesive devices and better paragraphing to guide the reader smoothly from one point to the next.

task achievement

Consider rephrasing your introduction for a stronger impact. Having a clear thesis statement would better set the stage for your discussion.

coherence cohesion

The introduction and conclusion are present but could be more impactful. Aim for a more compelling hook in the introduction and a succinct restatement of your position in the conclusion.

task achievement

Your essay partially addresses the prompt, but you need to develop your ideas more fully and provide a more succinct conclusion that summarises your argument effectively.

task achievement

You should include more relevant and specific examples to support your main points. This adds weight to your arguments and shows a higher level of engagement with the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

8
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
19
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

<4

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

5 paragraphs

220 words

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 & Task 2 checks
Practice with essays, charts, and letters.
Personalized suggestions & mistake analysis
Spot every mistake and boost your score.
Topic ideas & vocabulary helpers
Expand your ideas and use the right words.
Progress tracking
Watch your writing improve with every practice.

Topic Vocabulary:

cultural preservation
fostering creativity
quality of life
economic contribution
social cohesion
underrepresented voices
international cultural exchange
societal benefits
governmental censorship
intrinsic value
tangible benefits
long-term impact
critical thinking
cross-cultural understanding

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

7.5
band
Children are facing more pressures nowadays from academic, social and commercial perspectives. What are the causes of these pressures and what measures should be taken to reduce these pressures?
In this day and age, many youngsters are facing high pressures. There are several reasons for this alarming trend, but measures could certainly be taken to tackle the problem.
8
band
In many cities the population is increasing. Some say that the urbanisation process denies us knowing our neighbors, and this causes a loss of community sense. What is the main problem with this? What measures can be taken to overcome it?
The growing urbanization in a majority of cities where the population increases at a faster pace loosens ties with neighbours, leading to the lack of community understanding. The rapid advancement of technology promotes a separate lifestyle in neighbourhoods, for which more interactive events should be encouraged to tighten their relationship. A spreading trend of individualism is another important factor contributing to this problem and people should be given collaborative activities where they are able to recognize the mutual importance.
6
band
Social media promote a healthy or unhealthy lifestyle? Discuss both views and give your opinion.
In the modern era, social media has become one of a part of our daily lifestyle undeniably. We use social media to communicate with friends or check Instagram in the morning. It can be a powerful tool for encouraging people to have healthy or unhealthy lifestyles. This article explores the multifaceted impact of social media platforms, discussing both positive and negative effects on health.
7
band
In spite of the advances made in agriculture, many people around the world still go hungry. Why is this the case? What can be done about this problem?
Although agricultural technologies have advanced significantly, numerous areas worldwide still experience severe shortages of essential crops. This issue can be attributed to two primary causes, alongside three potential solutions to mitigate the risk of hunger.
6.5
band
Some people think paying taxes is a big enough contribution to their society, while others think people have more responsibilities as members of society than only paying taxes. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.
The debate on societal responsibilities centres on whether paying taxes alone suffices or if individuals should engage more actively in their communities. Although paying taxes is the main responsibility of society, it is necessary to contribute to the active society with their opinion and active views.

The Government Is Wasting Money On Arts And This Money Could Be Better Spent Elsewhere To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Fully explain your ideas

Children are facing more pressures nowadays from academic, social and commercial perspectives. What are the causes of these pressures and what measures should be taken to reduce these pressures?

In many cities the population is increasing. Some say that the urbanisation process denies us knowing our neighbors, and this causes a loss of community sense. What is the main problem with this? What measures can be taken to overcome it?

Social media promote a healthy or unhealthy lifestyle? Discuss both views and give your opinion.

In spite of the advances made in agriculture, many people around the world still go hungry. Why is this the case? What can be done about this problem?

Some people think paying taxes is a big enough contribution to their society, while others think people have more responsibilities as members of society than only paying taxes. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.