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Band 3

The Government Is Wasting Money On Arts And This Money Could Be Better Spent Elsewhere To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#government #money #arts
In today's fast-paced world, society
argue
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argues
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 whether investing in
arts
 is beneficial to
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
. Some say that spending on
arts
 is not a waste and
useful
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is useful
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 for
overall
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the overall
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 population.
However
, numerous individuals consider that funding the
arts
 is detrimental
for
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to
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government
Add an article
the government
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.
This
 essay will discuss both perceptions and I will conclude with personal my opinion.
To begin
 with, Investment in
arts
 plays
important
Correct article usage
an important
show examples
roles
Fix the agreement mistake
role
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 in cultural preservation, cherishing creativity and cross-cultural understanding.
Arts
 is the way to conserve culture since it inscribed the way of life from the past.
Moreover
,
arts
 can inspire
people
 to make new works of
arts
Fix the agreement mistake
art
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,
as well as
 help
people
 understand crossing
culture
Fix the agreement mistake
cultures
show examples
 more. Despite the
postive
Correct your spelling
positive
 effects, there are many
people
still
Correct pronoun usage
who still
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 think that
govermental
Correct your spelling
government
 support for
arts
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the arts
show examples
are
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is
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 not crucial and the
government
 should spend money on more important issues for
quality
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the quality
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 of
people
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people's
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 life. Since there are still a lot of issues that require funding more
such
 as healthcare, education and infrastructure. To recapitulate, both views have reasonable claims;
nonetheless
, I firmly believe that funding the
arts
 is essential for the
government
. The preservation of culture, fostering
in
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of
show examples
 creativity and the promotion of cross-cultural understanding
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 invaluable contributions that
arts
 make to society. By appreciating and supporting these intrinsic values,
government
 can contribute to the flourishing of their societies in meaningful ways.
Submitted by taokhampaen on

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coherence cohesion
Your essay lacks a clear progression of ideas. It would benefit from more cohesive devices and better paragraphing to guide the reader smoothly from one point to the next.
task achievement
Consider rephrasing your introduction for a stronger impact. Having a clear thesis statement would better set the stage for your discussion.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present but could be more impactful. Aim for a more compelling hook in the introduction and a succinct restatement of your position in the conclusion.
task achievement
Your essay partially addresses the prompt, but you need to develop your ideas more fully and provide a more succinct conclusion that summarises your argument effectively.
task achievement
You should include more relevant and specific examples to support your main points. This adds weight to your arguments and shows a higher level of engagement with the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • cultural preservation
  • fostering creativity
  • quality of life
  • economic contribution
  • social cohesion
  • underrepresented voices
  • international cultural exchange
  • societal benefits
  • governmental censorship
  • intrinsic value
  • tangible benefits
  • long-term impact
  • critical thinking
  • cross-cultural understanding
What to do next:
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