In many countries, people are now living longer than ever before. Some people say an ageing population creates problems for governments. Other people think there are benefits if society has more elderly people. To what extent do the advantages of having an ageing population outweigh the disadvantages?
During
last
few generations and the developments we had in different fields, the number of Correct article usage
the last
people
who are living in old ages above their
70 is increasing but the Correct pronoun usage
apply
number of
birth rate is falling. Correct quantifier usage
apply
therefore
, some people
believes
that Change the verb form
believe
this
statement can cause difficulties for the government, which I totally agree with, however
in Add a comma
however,
this
essay
I will point to both benefits and drawbacks.
Add a comma
essay,
To begin
with, researches
Fix the agreement mistake
research
show
us the number of happy Correct subject-verb agreement
shows
people
who are living with their parents or grandparents are
much more than Correct subject-verb agreement
is
who
Correct pronoun usage
those who
had
lost their Wrong verb form
have
beloved
ones which can cause an increase in depression between young ages. Even though it is important to take care of Correct your spelling
loved
societies
mental Change noun form
society's
health
the negative effect of having too many elderly in population
can have unexpected effects Correct article usage
the population
for
a country too. Change preposition
on
For instance
, most of
Change preposition
apply
the
Correct article usage
apply
people
with physical health
can regularly work till their 70ties and for the rest of their life
they will need Add a comma
life,
retirement
salary coming from the Correct article usage
a retirement
governments
budget. Even if we assume they have Change noun form
government's
huge
amount of money to spend Add an article
a huge
this
way too.
On the other hand
, believe it or not
as we grow our body start to lose Add a comma
not,
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
health
and
Knowing that there are young Correct word choice
apply
people
who are struggling with various kind of diseases too
nothing will change the fact that most of the illness appears in old Rephrase
apply
ages
. Despite that, we may need more factories to produce medicine and Fix the agreement mistake
age
cutting of
more Wrong verb form
cut
plant
or Fix the agreement mistake
plants
tree
for medical uses which can directly lead us to air pollution and Fix the agreement mistake
trees
losing
the environment.
In conclusion, in my opinion, it may be necessary to have old Verb problem
loss of
people
in population
Correct article usage
the population
for taking
care of Change preposition
to take
societies
mental Change noun form
society's
health
but in
average disadvantages outweigh the advantages.Change preposition
on
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task achievement
Your essay somewhat addresses the prompt, but you need to fully develop your argument and present a more balanced discussion before reaching a conclusion. Make sure to explore both sides of the argument equally and provide specific examples to support your points.
coherence cohesion
While you have attempted to structure your essay with both an introduction and a conclusion, your ideas could be presented in a more organized manner. Use clear topic sentences and ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next. Avoid abrupt changes in topic and make better use of cohesive devices.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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