IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Crime rate, in most countries, is often higher in urban areas than in rural areas. Why do you think that is? What can be done to reduce the crime rate?

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In most nations, metropolitan
areas
Use synonyms
 tend to have greater crime rates than remote regions.
This
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 essay contends the actual reason behind the violation ratio. Subsequentially, it will
also
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 elucidate an inclusive discussion of the different steps that can be taken to tackle
this
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 problem. To commence with, most of the crime is in developed
areas
Use synonyms
 rather than in suburbs happens largely for various reasons.
Firstly
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, the most common one is the unemployment rate which is increasing rapidly day by day
as a result
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 of jobless people switching towards violence.
Secondly
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, the tendency to maintain a luxurious lifestyle
instead
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 of being poor leads to
such
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 kind of action.
Therefore
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, people from the poverty line try to improve their economic status by doing
such
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 kinds of actions,
for instance
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, robbing, street snatching, and so on.
Finally
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, Modern cities are highly densitized with people rather than rural
areas
Use synonyms
 which gives them more opportunity to conduct crimes. To solve
such
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 a big issue, the government have to come forward to prevent these problems from the country, should increase work opportunity more and more
also
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 create a bridge between the poor vs rich as well.
However
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, providing unemployment benefits can play a vital role in
this
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 case.
For example
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, big countries like Canada, and the UK always provide unemployment benefits to survive.
In addition
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, covering every corner with CCTV to monitor properly
while
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 happening
such
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 occurence, and create awareness.
Finally
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, providing a proper Socio development education system can reduce the intensity of crime.
To conclude
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, the
offense
Change the spelling
offence
show examples
 portion is higher in big cities than in the native
areas
Use synonyms
. Administrative action will play crucial role than individuals in reducing
this
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.
However
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, financial problems would be the major difficulty for the government to solve the discussed reasons.

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coherence cohesion
Ensure a clear logical progression of ideas throughout the essay. Paragraphs should be well-structured with clear topic sentences that lead logically to supporting sentences and a concluding statement.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are present and clearly recognizable. However, the rest of the essay could be improved by using a wider range of cohesive devices to link ideas more effectively.
coherence cohesion
While main points are present, they require stronger development. Use more detailed explanations and provide more specific evidence to support your claims and arguments.
task achievement
You addressed the task and provided a response to the prompts, but the response needs to be more focused. Ensure that every paragraph consistently addresses the task, and avoid introductions of unrelated ideas.
task achievement
Ideas are generally clear, yet you could provide a more comprehensive discussion by exploring the complexity of the topics with greater depth, thus leading to clearer, more comprehensive ideas.
task achievement
To fortify your arguments, make sure to incorporate relevant and specific examples. Tie these examples directly to the points you are making to strengthen the overall effectiveness of your essay.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • anonymity
  • social cohesion
  • socioeconomic disparities
  • desperation
  • urban stressors
  • mental health
  • community policing
  • job opportunities
  • poverty
  • inequality
  • public spaces
  • surveillance cameras
  • deterrent
  • recidivism
  • reintegration programs
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