IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people believe that no one should be allowed to continue working after the age of 65. However, others say there shouldn't be a limitation on age and anyone should be allowed to work regardless of their age. Discuss both views, give your own opinion and include relevant examples.

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One
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 group of people believe, nobody should be an employee after the
age
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 of 65, whilst another group think, there should not be a limitation based on
age
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 and basically, anyone needs to have permission to
work
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 regardless of their
age
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. Personally, I assume, that everyone should choose when they want to retire and no
one
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 can forbid
this
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,
therefore
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 elder people must be allowed to
work
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. On the
one
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 hand, individuals after 65 years of their lives are not always capable of doing jobs properly. So, elder people might be prohibited from working in companies, which are presenting numerous standards,
such
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 as needed
hours
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 to
performance
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perform
show examples
 in a week.
Consequently
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, the old generation usually is not capable of doing so much
work
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,
due to
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 health issues, which are typical for their
age
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.
For instance
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,
according to
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 the statistics provided by Mastercard company,
the
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apply
show examples
young employee can perform their duties for about 50
hours
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 per week, but a person who exceeds
Correct article usage
the 65th
show examples
65th
Correct article usage
the 65th
show examples
 summer of their life can perform only nearly 35
hours
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.
On the other hand
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, the old generation has some needed features, that no
one
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 else has,
such
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 as experience and expertise. Those are working for them only in favour,
due to
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 the fact, that the young generation obviously, does not have
such
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 goods.
For example
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, the research of
one
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 of the scientists from Cambridge University shows, that the experience outweighs the capability of working for longer
hours
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. In conclusion, I would say the old part of society is a must for most of the companies. But, if not, they should be at least allowed to
work
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.

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that your ideas are logically organized and that there is a clear progression throughout the essay. The provided essay shows some attempt at logical structure but it is weak in places, which may confuse the reader.
coherence cohesion
Always include an introduction and conclusion that clearly state the topic and summarize the main points of your essay. The essay is missing a clear introduction and conclusion that provide an effective summary for the reader.
coherence cohesion
Support your main points with specific details and examples to reinforce your argument. The essay provides examples but they are not fully developed or are somewhat irrelevant, which makes the main points less convincing.
task achievement
Address all parts of the task and ensure a complete response to the prompt. The essay does touch on the prompt by discussing both views and providing an opinion, but it could provide a more balanced discussion of both sides to better fulfill the task.
task achievement
Communicate your ideas effectively so that they are clear and easy to understand. Work towards making your ideas more comprehensive and articulated in a clear manner. This essay shows an attempt to communicate ideas, but they could be expressed more clearly.
task achievement
Use relevant and specific examples to support your points. Ensure that these examples are directly related to the argument you are making. In this essay, while examples are provided, they could be more specific and directly tied to the points being argued for enhanced task achievement.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • mandatory retirement
  • workforce regeneration
  • transition planning
  • cognitive decline
  • predictable transition
  • physical endurance
  • job performance
  • financial necessity
  • personal fulfillment
  • flexible retirement policy
  • economic reasons
  • expertise
  • consultancy roles
  • active participation
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