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Writing Samples
Band 7

More and more parents begin to allow their children to play on computers and tablets as they think children should learn technology skills. Do advantages of this outweigh its disadvantages or not?

#parents #children #computers #tablets #technology #skills #outweigh
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Regarding laptops or iPads, there may be divergent views on whether parents should allow their
children
 to use those electronic
devices
. Some believe that kids could improve their technical capacities, but I believe that the disadvantages of
this
 exceed its advantages.   One of the main benefits of students using technical
devices
 is that numerous educational applications and games can make learning fun and interactive. These tools can support traditional learning and help
children
 understand complex concepts through digital practices.
Secondly
, certain games and apps can enhance cognitive skills
such
 as problem-solving and critical thinking.
For example
, puzzles and strategy games can foster these abilities.
Finally
, early exposure to technology can help
children
 become proficient with
devices
, software, and the internet, which are crucial skills for their future education and careers.  
However
, some people argue that the disadvantages outnumber the advantages.  I completely agree with
this
 view.  Prolonged screen time may lead to physical health issues
such
 as eye strain, and reduced physical activity, contributing to obesity and other health problems.
Moreover
, excessive use of technology can interfere with the development of social behaviour and emotional intelligence. Face-to-face interactions are essential for contributing to relationships.
Also
,
children
 develop an overreliance on technology, leading to screen addiction and reduced attention spans. Eventually, there is a risk of exposure to inappropriate content, violence, and pornographic websites. Even with parental controls, it can be challenging to monitor everything a child accesses online.    In conclusion,
although
 electronic
devices
 are widely used, I do not believe that the benefits outweigh the drawbacks for
children
.
Submitted by 842623369 on

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task achievement
While your essay presents a clear argument, try to provide more specific examples to strengthen your points. For example, you mention games and apps that enhance cognitive skills - naming a few of these can make your argument more convincing.
coherence cohesion
Your essay is logically structured, but you can achieve greater cohesion by using more linking words and phrases. This will ensure that your ideas flow more smoothly from one point to the next.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are well-written but try to include a brief summary of your main points in your conclusion to reinforce your argument.
task achievement
You provided a comprehensive response to the prompt by addressing both the advantages and disadvantages of allowing children to use electronic devices.
task achievement
Your ideas are clear and easy to understand, making your argument compelling.
coherence cohesion
The essay is well-structured with a logical flow of ideas, and your points are generally well-supported.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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