IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people think that all the lawbreakers should be taken into the prison, while others believe that there are better alternatives. (for example, doing some work or learning some skills in the community). Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #lawbreakers #prison #alternatives #work #skills #community
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Some people believe that
jail
Use synonyms
 is necessary for all
criminals
Use synonyms
, as opposed to others who believe they can impress in the community with working or learning,
instead
Linking Words
 of
jail
Use synonyms
. From my perspective, we can make efficient use of
criminals
Use synonyms
. On one hand, prison can be effective for society.
Jail
Use synonyms
 can be a deterrent for those who have the motivation to commit crimes, so crime statistics be reduced.
In addition
Linking Words
, it improves security.
For example
Linking Words
, if we show those who are in prison to society, they appreciate the freedom they have and pay more attention to illegal acts.
Also
Linking Words
, gives offenders the chance to reflect on their actions and gives them time to reform their behaviour.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, there are several ways to control crimes that should be satisfactory for each case.
Firstly
Linking Words
, proper training to educate
criminals
Use synonyms
 can make them aware,
this
Linking Words
 awareness may prevent them from repeating the crime.
Secondly
Linking Words
, giving these people the opportunity to develop their skills in positive ways can be beneficial for the community.
Therefore
Linking Words
, it is crucial to employ them in the field in which they have talent.
For instance
Linking Words
, every prison can be a university if we put experts and teachers in it, and
also
Linking Words
 remove their intention to repeat the crime. In conclusion,
while
Linking Words
 I accept
jail
Use synonyms
 as an effective way to maintain order in society, I believe that word and education can be suitable alternatives. Punishment of
criminals
Use synonyms
 should depend on the severity of crimes so that justice is well established.
Submitted by siina.arabii on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Introduction/Conclusion
Ensure your introduction clearly outlines the question and your stance, and your conclusion summarises your main points effectively to improve your score in introduction and conclusion presence.
Examples
Work on providing more specific and relevant examples to support your arguments to back your points with concrete evidence.
Logical Structure
Enhance your logical structure by using a range of cohesive devices appropriately and organising paragraphs clearly.
Task Response
To better address the task response, make sure you balance the discussion of both views and your own opinion. Embed your opinion throughout the essay rather than only presenting it at the end.
Idea Development
Clarify and develop your ideas further to avoid ambiguity, ensuring that each paragraph conveys a comprehensive idea.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: