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Band 3

some students choose to work or travel after leaving school and befo

#students #work #travel #school #befo
I believe that both of the experiences are beneficial, and each of them will bring different outcomes. The first type is pupils
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 prefer to spend their gap year by having an internship or maybe a full-time job before entering their undergraduate program. There are several reasons why they decide to have a working experience.
Firstly
, it will increase someone’s chance
to be
Change preposition
of being
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 accepted
from
Change preposition
by
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 a good university, and
this
 is because admission officers admire teenagers that eager to gain more practical experience.
Secondly
, sometimes big enterprises offer scholarships and jobs after graduating from university.
For example
, most of these scholarships go to outstanding students, and by being an intern in that firm, someone might get that scholarship. The second type is pupils
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 prefer to use their gap year in cultural immersion,
visiting
Wrong verb form
visit
show examples
 a new country, or maybe
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
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learn yoga.
This
 archetype tends to seek new experiences, and by doing that they discover themselves. Many parents report that young adults become more mature, well-rounded, and open-minded after spending their gap year travelling.
Moreover
,
although
 it is risky to travel to some countries in Africa or South America, many students go there for volunteer reasons. In the same vein, various undergraduate programs in the US prioritize student who has diverse background and experience.
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coherence cohesion
Ensure that your introduction clearly presents the topic and your position. Your essay lacked a definitive conclusion, which is essential for wrapping up your argument and restating your position. Include an introduction and conclusion to improve your essay's structure.
coherence cohesion
Present your ideas in a logical order, ensuring that each paragraph flows smoothly to the next. Use a range of cohesive devices to link ideas within and across paragraphs effectively. Your essay shows some organization, but transitions could be smoother.
task achievement
Make sure to respond to all parts of the task with a clear and complete answer. You partially addressed the topic, however, the essay prompt was not entirely covered as it was cut off. Ensure you understand the full prompt before beginning your response.
task achievement
Clarify your main ideas and expand on them with detailed explanations and examples. While you have provided some reasons and examples, further elaboration would help achieve a higher score. Include a more comprehensive exploration of ideas to improve your essay's depth.
task achievement
Use specific examples to support your main points. While you provided some examples, they were not always directly relevant or fully developed. Incorporate more detailed and pertinent examples to strengthen your arguments.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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