some students choose to work or travel after leaving school and befo

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?

I believe that both of the experiences are beneficial, and each of them will bring different outcomes. The first type is pupils

that

Correct pronoun usage

who

show examples

prefer to spend their gap year by having an internship or maybe a full-time job before entering their undergraduate program. There are several reasons why they decide to have a working experience.

Firstly

Linking Words

, it will increase someone’s chance

to be

Change preposition

of being

show examples

accepted

from

Change preposition

show examples

a good university, and

this

Linking Words

is because admission officers admire teenagers that eager to gain more practical experience.

Secondly

Linking Words

, sometimes big enterprises offer scholarships and jobs after graduating from university.

For example

Linking Words

, most of these scholarships go to outstanding students, and by being an intern in that firm, someone might get that scholarship. The second type is pupils

that

Correct pronoun usage

who

show examples

prefer to use their gap year in cultural immersion,

visiting

Wrong verb form

visit

show examples

a new country, or maybe

Fix the infinitive

apply

show examples

learn yoga.

This

Linking Words

archetype tends to seek new experiences, and by doing that they discover themselves. Many parents report that young adults become more mature, well-rounded, and open-minded after spending their gap year travelling.

Moreover

Linking Words

although

Linking Words

it is risky to travel to some countries in Africa or South America, many students go there for volunteer reasons. In the same vein, various undergraduate programs in the US prioritize student who has diverse background and experience.

Submitted by thailinhchi2k2 on Thu Dec 14 2023

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion

Ensure that your introduction clearly presents the topic and your position. Your essay lacked a definitive conclusion, which is essential for wrapping up your argument and restating your position. Include an introduction and conclusion to improve your essay's structure.

coherence cohesion

Present your ideas in a logical order, ensuring that each paragraph flows smoothly to the next. Use a range of cohesive devices to link ideas within and across paragraphs effectively. Your essay shows some organization, but transitions could be smoother.

task achievement

Make sure to respond to all parts of the task with a clear and complete answer. You partially addressed the topic, however, the essay prompt was not entirely covered as it was cut off. Ensure you understand the full prompt before beginning your response.

task achievement

Clarify your main ideas and expand on them with detailed explanations and examples. While you have provided some reasons and examples, further elaboration would help achieve a higher score. Include a more comprehensive exploration of ideas to improve your essay's depth.

task achievement

Use specific examples to support your main points. While you provided some examples, they were not always directly relevant or fully developed. Incorporate more detailed and pertinent examples to strengthen your arguments.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

Summary
Restatement of thesis
Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

In conclusion
To conclude
To summarize
Finally
In a nutshell
In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

6
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

<4

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

3 paragraphs

214 words

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 & Task 2 checks
Practice with essays, charts, and letters.
Personalized suggestions & mistake analysis
Spot every mistake and boost your score.
Topic ideas & vocabulary helpers
Expand your ideas and use the right words.
Progress tracking
Watch your writing improve with every practice.

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

6.5
band
Write a letter to a friend who is looking for a part time job to support his studies. In your letter - Describe the job you found for him/her - Explain why this job is good for him/her - Say what he/she needs to do to get the job
I hope you are doing well in a new city. I hope you are doing well in the ongoing semester. I am very glad to hear that you are finding some extra source of income to support your financial requirements during your studies.
<4
band
In a number of countries, some people think it is necessary to spend large sums of money on constructing new railway lines for very fast trains between cities. Others believe the money should be spent on improving older railway lines. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
It is thought that, more higher amount of country budget should be invested on building new railways for fast trains while other are believed that this money should be spent on inhuncing current public transport. As far as I am concerned, repairing sometimes costs much effort and money than constracting new ones. more over fast trains are so beneficial to public than others. This essay will be argued both views.
7
band
Every country in the world has its own road rules, but many drivers don’t obey them. What do you think are the reasons for this? What can be done to solve this problem?
There is no denying the fact that there is an ongoing debate with compelling reasons about most countries' drivers do not obey the rules of the roads. This essay will discuss what are the reasons for this phenomenon and the possible solutions.
8
band
You have a full-time job and are also doing a part-time evening course. You now find that you cannot continue the course. Write a letter to your tutor. In your letter, - Describe the situation, - Explain why you cannot continue at this time, - Say what action you would like to take.
Hope you're doing fine. I'm writing this letter to inform you that I will be discontinuing the course for Lean Six Sigma - Green Belt, due to unfortunate reasons.
7.5
band
Some people believe that studying at university or college is the best route to a successful career, while others believe that it is better to get a job straight after school. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Universities are not for everyone. There are some people who consider starting a career without having a top-tier education as a better alternative for young people, and a faction maintains that campus life can benefit one most. Indeed, skipping college may offer some useful assets, whereas one could miss certain advantages that only universities can provide.

some students choose to work or travel after leaving school and befo

Include an introduction and conclusion

Write a letter to a friend who is looking for a part time job to support his studies. In your letter - Describe the job you found for him/her - Explain why this job is good for him/her - Say what he/she needs to do to get the job

In a number of countries, some people think it is necessary to spend large sums of money on constructing new railway lines for very fast trains between cities. Others believe the money should be spent on improving older railway lines. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Every country in the world has its own road rules, but many drivers don’t obey them. What do you think are the reasons for this? What can be done to solve this problem?

You have a full-time job and are also doing a part-time evening course. You now find that you cannot continue the course. Write a letter to your tutor. In your letter, - Describe the situation, - Explain why you cannot continue at this time, - Say what action you would like to take.

Some people believe that studying at university or college is the best route to a successful career, while others believe that it is better to get a job straight after school. Discuss both views and give your opinion.