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Band 7

Young people who commit crimes should be treated in the same way as adults.To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #crimes #adults
In the debate over whether young
people
 who commit crimes should be treated in the same way as
adults
, I take the position that they should not be treated identically. The treatment of young
offenders
 should consider their age, level of maturity, and the potential for
rehabilitation
. One reason to support
this
 perspective is that young
people
's brains are still developing, resulting in a lack of full cognitive abilities and decision-making skills. Research has shown that the prefrontal cortex, responsible for impulse control and rational thinking, continues to develop until the mid-20s.
Therefore
, it is unfair to hold young
people
 to the same level of responsibility as fully developed
adults
.
Instead
, they should be given the opportunity for education and
rehabilitation
 to address the underlying issues that led to their criminal
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
.
On the other hand
, it can be argued that treating young criminals the same as
adults
 is necessary to uphold the principles of justice and deter potential
offenders
.
This
 viewpoint emphasizes the importance of personal accountability and the need to maintain a deterrent effect on society.
However
, it is crucial to consider the severity of the crime committed and the potential for reform in each individual case. Blanket punishment for all young
offenders
 overlooks the potential for
rehabilitation
 and denies them the chance to reintegrate into society as productive citizens. In conclusion, I believe that young
people
 who commit crimes should not be treated in the same way as
adults
. Their age and level of maturity should be taken into account when determining appropriate consequences. By prioritizing education and
rehabilitation
 over punitive measures, we can help young
offenders
 learn from their mistakes and have a better chance at reintegrating into society as responsible individuals.
Submitted by lushizhe0809 on

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introduction
Make sure your introduction contains a clear thesis statement that outlines your perspective on the topic. It helps the reader understand your stance and sets the tone for the rest of the essay.
coherence
Your body paragraphs should present clear and distinct arguments that support your thesis. Ensure each paragraph has a central idea and use cohesive devices to link your ideas effectively.
conclusion
In your conclusion, restate your thesis and main points, and offer a final thought or recommendation. This strengthens the overall message of your essay.
task response
While your essay addresses the task well, providing more detailed arguments and including a wider range of specific examples could enhance the response significantly.
cohesion
To improve cohesion, use a variety of linking words and phrases to connect ideas within and between paragraphs. This will help the flow of your essay and make your arguments more persuasive.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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