IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people believe that the government is wasting money on the arts and that this money should be invested better in other areas. To what extent do you agree with this view?

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Some people reckon that spending on
arts
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 is a waste of municipal
budgets
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 and
governments
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 should spend their municipal
budgets
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 on other investments.
While
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 there is a need for
governments
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 to develop
arts
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, I completely agree that they should invest their financial
budgets
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 in other departments. On the one hand,
governments
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 are responsible for boosting the development of
arts
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 and probably benefit a lot from them. The primary reason is that
governments
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 are supposed to protect the paintings and other
art
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 crafts in museums.
This
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 is because these artificial items are usually symbols of ancient cultures in certain areas and contribute to cultural diversity to some degree.
Secondly
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, investments in paintings and other forms of
art
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 are more likely to promote economic development.
For example
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, beautiful drawings in
art
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 galleries and artificial designs on municipal architecture probably attract tourists to their regions and
thus
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 improve their economy.
Therefore
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, expenses on
arts
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 can benefit
governments
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 from both cultural and economic aspects. Regardless of the arguments mentioned above, I consider that authorities should save their money and spend it on more profitable departments.
Firstly
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, alternative measures are more accessible to promote
arts
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 and are more economical,
such
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 as compulsory
arts
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 courses in primary school, painting club campaigns on campus and so on.
In other words
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, local authorities can easily foster a sense of
art
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 in students and provide professional artificial lessons for children.
Secondly
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, financial
budgets
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 are essential for other more imperative departments,
such
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 as environmental protection, financial investments and so on. In
this
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 way,
governments
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 can earn more profits by investing in those programs within short terms and
thus
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 have more opportunities to promote social development. In conclusion,
while
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 spending
budgets
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 on
arts
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 has a range of advantages,
such
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 as cultural protection and economic profits, I would argue that
governments
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 should invest expenses in other important fields.

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introduction conclusion present
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion which reflect the prompt question adequately. However, the introduction could be enhanced by paraphrasing the topic more effectively.
supported main points
Main points are generally supported, but the arguments could benefit from a wider range of examples and more in-depth analysis to strengthen the response.
complete response
The essay maintains a clear position throughout and addresses the task with a rather complete response, but consider exploring the counter-argument in more detail for a more balanced discussion.
logical structure
The essay has logical structure, but some transitions between ideas could be smoother, and the logical connections can be enhanced by using a wider variety of cohesive devices.
clear comprehensive ideas
Ensure that ideas are clearly and comprehensively expressed, although the clarity is generally good, some sentences could be rephrased for better readability and flow.
relevant specific examples
Specific examples are used, but they are somewhat generic. To improve, include more detailed and varied examples that directly support the main points. Diversify the types of examples used to avoid repetition and add depth to the argument.
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