Cigarette companies in Indonesia sponsor sports and music events, but many people believe this should be banned because it encourages young people to smoke. Do you agree with banning this type of sponsorship?

I disagree with banning

sponsorship

of

cigarette

companies

to certain

sponsor

Wrong verb form

sponsored

show examples

sports

and

music

events

,

Remove the comma

apply

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because banning

sponsorship

wouldn’t stop young

people

to smoke

Change preposition

from smoking

show examples

.

Furthermore

banning

sponsorship

for

cigarette

companies

would make

sports

and

music

events

less often.

Therefore

could have

impact

Add an article

an impact

show examples

on our

sports

schemes. There is no evidence that could prove

people

encourages

Wrong verb form

are encouraged

show examples

to smoke from

cigarette

sponsorship

.

Moreover

,

Cigarette

companies

Change noun form

company's

companies'

show examples

sponsorship

on

sports

or

music

events

rarely

distributed

Wrong verb form

distribute

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their product or do

cigarette

campaign

Fix the agreement mistake

campaigns

show examples

on

Change preposition

at

show examples

sports

events

.

In addition

, there is no valid evidence that could prove

correlation

Add an article

a correlation

the correlation

show examples

between

cigarette

sponsorship

and

increasing

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an increasing

the increasing

show examples

number of young

people

start

Wrong verb form

starting

show examples

smoking. Even though

,

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

there is no evidence

on

Change preposition

of

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it, we could agree that the main reason

people

start to smoke

because

Add a missing verb

is because

show examples

of

Change preposition

apply

show examples

their environment

allow

Change the verb form

allows

show examples

to

Correct pronoun usage

them to

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do it.

In

Change preposition

On

show examples

the other hand, There is an issue for

sponsorship

in

sports

or

music

events

that is

not popular.

Companies

rarely want to be

sponsorship

Replace the word

sponsors

show examples

because

limitation

Fix the agreement mistake

limitations

show examples

of

sport audience

Fix the agreement mistake

sports audiences

show examples

. They tend to choose television

sponsorship

than

Change preposition

over

show examples

sports

or

music

.

Cigarettes

Change the noun form

Cigarette

show examples

companies

couldn’t get

sponsorship

in television so they are the best option for

sponsorship

in

sports

events

.

Cigarettes

Change the noun form

Cigarette

show examples

sponsorship

could make

sports

event

Fix the agreement mistake

events

show examples

become bigger because they are one of the biggest

contributor

Change to a plural noun

contributors

show examples

for

Change preposition

to

show examples

sponsorship

. That

sponsorship

could make our

sports

schemes

become

Verb problem

apply

show examples

better by making regular

competition

Fix the agreement mistake

competitions

show examples

bigger and could help

government

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the government

show examples

to create local

league

Fix the agreement mistake

leagues

show examples

for

sports

. In conclusion, we shouldn’t

banning

Change the verb form

ban

be banning

show examples

sponsorship

Correct article usage

the sponsorship

show examples

of

cigarette

companies

. In fact, there are many advantages

than

Change preposition

to

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its drawback effect.