Cigarette companies in Indonesia sponsor sports and music events, but many people believe this should be banned because it encourages young people to smoke. Do you agree with banning this type of sponsorship?
I disagree with banning
sponsorship
of cigarette
companies
to certain sponsor
Wrong verb form
sponsored
sports
and music
events
,
because banning Remove the comma
apply
sponsorship
wouldn’t stop young people
to smoke
. Change preposition
from smoking
Furthermore
banning sponsorship
for cigarette
companies
would make sports
and music
events
less often. Therefore
could have impact
on our Add an article
an impact
sports
schemes.
There is no evidence that could prove people
encourages
to smoke from Wrong verb form
are encouraged
cigarette
sponsorship
. Moreover
, Cigarette
companies
Change noun form
company's
companies'
sponsorship
on sports
or music
events
rarely distributed
their product or do Wrong verb form
distribute
cigarette
campaign
Fix the agreement mistake
campaigns
on
Change preposition
at
sports
events
. In addition
, there is no valid evidence that could prove correlation
between Add an article
a correlation
the correlation
cigarette
sponsorship
and increasing
number of young Add an article
an increasing
the increasing
people
start
smoking. Even thoughWrong verb form
starting
,
there is no evidence Remove the comma
apply
on
it, we could agree that the main reason Change preposition
of
people
start to smoke because
Add a missing verb
is because
of
their environment Change preposition
apply
allow
Change the verb form
allows
to
do it.
Correct pronoun usage
them to
In
the other hand, There is an issue for Change preposition
On
sponsorship
in sports
or music
events
that is
not popular. Companies
rarely want to be sponsorship
because Replace the word
sponsors
limitation
of Fix the agreement mistake
limitations
sport audience
. They tend to choose television Fix the agreement mistake
sports audiences
sponsorship
than
Change preposition
over
sports
or music
. Cigarettes
Change the noun form
Cigarette
companies
couldn’t get sponsorship
in television so they are the best option for sponsorship
in sports
events
. Cigarettes
Change the noun form
Cigarette
sponsorship
could make sports
event
become bigger because they are one of the biggest Fix the agreement mistake
events
contributor
Change to a plural noun
contributors
for
Change preposition
to
sponsorship
. That sponsorship
could make our sports
schemes become
better by making regular Verb problem
apply
competition
bigger and could help Fix the agreement mistake
competitions
government
to create local Add an article
the government
league
for Fix the agreement mistake
leagues
sports
.
In conclusion, we shouldn’t banning
Change the verb form
ban
be banning
sponsorship
of Correct article usage
the sponsorship
cigarette
companies
. In fact, there are many advantages than
its drawback effect.Change preposition
to
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- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
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