IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people believe that the best way to reduce crime is to give longer prison sentences. Others, however, believe there are better alternative ways to reduce crime. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #crime #prison #sentences #alternative
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In the debate over
crime
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 reduction, there are contrasting views on the effectiveness of longer
prison
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sentences
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 as opposed to alternative methods. Advocates for extended incarceration argue that harsher penalties act as a deterrent, dissuading potential offenders and keeping them off the streets for more extended periods. They contend that a stringent legal system, emphasizing punishment, sends a clear message about the consequences of criminal
behavior
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behaviour
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.
On the other hand
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, proponents of alternative approaches believe that focusing solely on longer
prison
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sentences
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 overlooks the root causes of criminal activity. They argue for investing in preventive measures and rehabilitation programs to address underlying issues
such
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 as poverty, lack of education, and substance abuse. By tackling these root causes, the argument goes, society can break the cycle of criminal
behavior
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behaviour
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 and foster reintegration into the community. In my opinion,
while
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 longer
prison
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sentences
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 may serve as a short-term deterrent, they often fail to address the core problems leading to criminal activities. Implementing a multifaceted strategy that combines punishment with rehabilitation and social support is more likely to yield sustainable results.
This
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 approach not only addresses the immediate consequences of criminal actions but
also
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 strives to prevent individuals from returning to a life of
crime
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 by addressing the factors that contributed to their unlawful
behavior
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behaviour
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 in the first place. In conclusion, the debate on
crime
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 reduction involves contrasting perspectives – one emphasizing the deterrence effect of longer
prison
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sentences
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, and the other advocating for comprehensive alternative approaches. Striking a balance between punishment and addressing root causes through rehabilitation and preventive measures seems to offer a more holistic and effective solution to reducing
crime
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 in the long run.
Submitted by patelhash14 on

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structure
Ensure that the essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, stating the topic and summarizing the main points respectively. For higher scores, these should be very well-defined and distinctly mark the beginning and end of the discussion.
development
Develop ideas fully by providing more detailed examples and evidence. This includes giving specific instances where alternative methods have been successful or where longer sentences have deterred crime effectively.
cohesion
Maintain a clear progression of ideas throughout the essay. Make sure each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next and the argument or discussion flows logically.
task response
While the essay does address the task, some expansions on the ideas presented would lead to a more complete response. Give extra attention to illustrate arguments with examples and address the prompt's instructions more thoroughly, which includes discussing both views comprehensively and providing a substantiated opinion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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