IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people say that museums should educate children, others think museums should entertain children instead. Discuss both view and give your opinion

Some individuals admit that
museums
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 should function only in educational terms for teens,
whereas
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 others believe that
museums
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 should entertain them
instead
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. From my perspective, completely immersing
museums
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 in the educational system repulses youth from themselves.
However
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,
museums
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 should not lose their primary goal to spread knowledge. Turning repositories into study centres might deter
people
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 from visiting the site, especially young generations who are accustomed to highly dynamic and dopamine-filled activities. Them ajority of humans consider studying as a determination, even though it was their desire to gain knowledge, which is the main factor why
people
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 are not able to enjoy study sessions.
Therefore
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, turning
museums
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 fully into an academic institution discourages
people
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 from attending apply museum tours.
By contrast
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, making repositories to only function for entertaining purposes is not a fruitful idea either. Changing
museums
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 into amusing infrastructures will deprive the original atmosphere that
museums
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 provide. The peaceful environments will be replaced with loud noise,and not considering the history in an appropriate way leads to the loss of the long-sought-after philosophy behind them. From my perspective, neither putting
museums
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 into a complete educational path and nor transforming them into entertaining figures is a logical choice. Keeping a balance between is the greatest solution, in which
people
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 do not get bored,
while
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 simultaneously receiving knowledge. The best example for
this
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 is the well-known museum in France called “Louvre”, which is the perfect fusion of engagement and education,which can be proved by the fame it gained. In conclusion,
museums
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 should not follow the suggestions of either group of
people
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, turning it completely to educational institution or entertaining figure will just put another stain on their reputation. In my opinion, just following the original traditions, which is educational, is still apply engaging.

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task response
Answer both sides more clearly. Say why some people want museums to teach, and why some want them to be fun.
task response
Give your opinion in one clear line in the introduction, and keep the same view in the conclusion.
task response
Develop each main idea with a simple reason and one clear example.
coherence and cohesion
Use simpler topic sentences at the start of each paragraph so the reader can follow your ideas easily.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas with clear words like first, however, for example, and in conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are hard to follow. Break long sentences into two shorter ones.
task response
You discuss both views and you give your own opinion.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
task response
You use one example to support your main idea.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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