Children find it difficult to concentrate on or pay attention to school. What are the reasons? How can we solve this problem?
It is often argued that a paramount proportion of young people who study at secondary schools are finding it more challenging to focus on tuition nowadays. it needs to be done by
While
there are a number of negative consequences of this
trend,those and government
can be able to address Correct article usage
the government
this
question in turn.
It is true that it is becoming tougher day to day studying school for young ones due to
several reasons .The first reason is that
development of modern manufactured technologies Correct determiner usage
the
as well as
various social medias
,which usually cause to distract pupils Correct your spelling
media
while
they are in the class.For example
, in the United Kingdom
some student Add a comma
Kingdom,
are
suffering from the Change the verb form
is
intrupting
of their classmates Correct your spelling
interrupting
while
they are doing exercises during the lesson .Their piers makes
them Change the verb form
make
to
watch different videos on their smartphones that are not suitable for their ages.Change the verb form
apply
As a
result
many Add a comma
result,
children
obsessed
with playing many terrible games on cell Add a missing verb
are obsessed
phones
such
as PUBG is known as interesting
game for young ones to play on numerous platformsAdd an article
an interesting
lead
Wrong verb form
leading
children
to enter hazardous ways during their lives.
On the other hand
,there are a plethora of steps that could be taken by individuals and government
to solve the obstacles.To commence with, parents Fix the agreement mistake
governments
who their
Correct pronoun usage
whose
children
are educating
at schools play an important role in Wrong verb form
educated
this
case .Primarily because,They purchase the most expensive and the latest made
Verb problem
apply
phones
for their children
regardless of their ages and also
this
means that it is the biggest mistake to some Correct pronoun usage
apply
extend
,Replace the word
extent
which
parents Correct word choice
that
made
.It is crucial reason that after they give Wrong verb form
make
the
Correct article usage
apply
phones
for
young ones,Change preposition
to
children
should be controlled per day what they are watching or playing on smartphones.In addition
,to tackle this
issue behaviors
of kids Change the spelling
behaviours
also
play a significant role.As a result
Add a comma
,
government
that new laws should be produced for kids to study in school without bringing Add an article
a government
the government
phones
.
In conclusion,lt
appears to me that Correct your spelling
it
lf
certain measures could be taken to eliminate Correct your spelling
if
this
issue by parents and government
,Correct article usage
the government
lt
would perhaps be Correct your spelling
it
more
effective way to avoid Add an article
a more
difficult
paying attention Replace the word
difficulty
of
Change preposition
to
children
although
there are many negative aspects of this
trend.Submitted by muborakholiqova6 on
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introduction conclusion present
While your essay includes an introduction and conclusion, they lack a clear thesis statement and summarization of the main points. It's important to explicitly state the essay's purpose and summarize the key arguments in the conclusion for enhanced clarity.
logical structure
Your essay demonstrates a basic structure but lacks clear transitions and cohesive devices between ideas and paragraphs. Consider using a range of cohesive devices and clear topic sentences to guide the reader through your argument coherently.
supported main points
Your main points are somewhat supported with examples, but the presentation could be clearer. Make sure your examples directly support the arguments you are making and are explained fully for the reader to understand their relevance.
clear comprehensive ideas
The ideas you've included related to the topic are relevant, but they are not always expressed clearly and comprehensively. Work on structuring your sentences and paragraphs to ensure that the reader can easily follow your argument and understand the points you are trying to make.
complete response
You have addressed the task to some extent and provided examples, however, ensure that your essay directly answers the question asked. Focus on directly responding to the 'why' aspect of the reasons and the 'how' aspect of the solutions, in order to fully satisfy the task requirements.
relevant specific examples
Your use of specific examples is good, however, they should be contextualized and explained in a way that clearly links them to the points you are making. Work on integrating examples more smoothly into your argument.
