IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Government should spend money on railway rather than roads. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement ?

#government #money #railway #roads
The nation leaders should be aware to spend money on the infrastructures
that
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 most necessary. Some
believes
Change the verb form
believe
show examples
 that
Correct article usage
the
show examples
railway
 should be budgeted more than the
roads
, I agree because it is more convenient and helps to reduce the traffic in
cities
Add an article
the cities
show examples
 area To commence,
Railway
Correct article usage
the Railway
show examples
 is the
fastest growing
Add a hyphen
fastest-growing
show examples
 transportation around the globe. It is
far
Correct article usage
a far
show examples
 more comfortable and easiest way of travelling, and can travel long
distance
Fix the agreement mistake
distances
show examples
 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
short
interval
Fix the agreement mistake
intervals
show examples
 of time, so it provides more efficiency than the
roads
. In many developed cities around
earth
Add an article
the earth
show examples
, the
railway
 fair is more reasonable than the
roads
,
therefore
 railways
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 more popular.
Government
Correct article usage
The government
show examples
 should allocate some budget to develop the
railway
 because during the project
development
Add a comma
development,
show examples
 many unemployed can get
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
short term
Add a hyphen
short-term
show examples
 jobs which changes the unemployment rate. Many nations around the world
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 facing the problem of
increasing
Add an article
the increasing
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population
 yearly,
however
Add the comma(s)
however,
show examples
 many developed cities
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 planning and
maintain
Wrong verb form
maintaining
show examples
 the
population
 by building up the infrastructure which will
reduced
Change the verb form
reduce
show examples
 traffic. We have
witnesses
Wrong verb form
witnessed
show examples
 that more than one thousand people are being travelled from one to another place in
short
Add an article
a short
show examples
 period of time because of the
railway
. Despite there is more popularity of
roads
 in Nepal, the nation should focus on promoting the railways
due to
 the
increasing
Replace the word
increase
show examples
 in
population
also
 it will enhance the positive part of the development and continuously improve the economy. In conclusion, the government should be aware
about
Change the preposition
of
show examples
 the increment in
population
 and should act smartly by spending money on the
railway
 because of their comfort zone and reasonable.
Submitted by kevinrijal349 on

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task achievement
Ensure you fully address all parts of the task. The essay should have an introduction that presents your opinion clearly, followed by body paragraphs that provide solid arguments for your view, and a conclusion that summarizes your position and the points made. Expand on the given points to fully satisfy the requirements of the task.
coherence cohesion
Write clear topic sentences for each paragraph and make sure the main idea of each paragraph is fully developed and expanded with explanations, reasons, or examples. Use a range of linking devices and transition words to show clear relationships between ideas.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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