IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Many people use social media everyday to get in touch with other people and obtain the news.Do you think the advantages of this way outweigh the disadvantages?

#people #media #touch #news
Technology, particularly social
media
, has advanced rapidly in recent years. It has aided
people
 in swiftly contacting and connecting with others. Many individuals believe that
this
 is the case. It's a beautiful thing, and social networks have made human existence more convenient, and progressive.
However
, some
people
 believe that excessive usage of social
media
 will lead to misuse. They will have a negative
impact
 on human life. The second point of view, in my opinion, is more persuasive.
First,
we can observe that using social
media
 on a daily basis helps vital news propagate
quicker
Replace the word
quickly
show examples
. That has helped individuals understand what is going on in their lives,
live
Correct word choice
and live
show examples
 more comfortably, effortlessly, and swiftly.
Furthermore
, it lets users maintain daily contact with loved ones and friends, no matter where they are.
Which from
Correct pronoun usage
From
show examples
 my perspective, I believe it is a good thing because some
people
had
Wrong verb form
have
show examples
 to leave their hometown for specific circumstances
such
 as job
opportunity
Fix the agreement mistake
opportunities
show examples
 or College whatsoever,
therefore
, having access to communicate with the
people
 you love is basically what we all need.
However
,
in addition
 to these advantages, excessive use of social
media
 can have major disadvantages.
For example
,It will have an
impact
 on your social skills, and not
practicing
Change the spelling
practising
show examples
 face-to-face communication on a regular basis will have an
impact
 on your performance in interacting with others, leading to difficulty connecting with others.
Furthermore
, not every content producer is deserving of your attention; some publish the most absurd and offensive stuff without regard for the implications of their actions.
This
 will have an
impact
 on the news we get, which is incredibly damaging to everyone's view.
Finally
, the increased usage of social
media
 is having an
impact
 on
people
's lives. Despite the fact that it has the potential to reduce cultural inequities, it may
also
 land you in serious difficulty.
As a result
, I feel the negatives outweigh the benefits
while
 keeping
people
's safety in mind.
Submitted by phuongkhanhelysia on

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task achievement
Your essay lacks a clear thesis statement and the introduction does not present the topic effectively. A clear opinion should be stated in the introduction.
coherence cohesion
The organization of the essay needs improvement. Work on developing clear and logical paragraphs, each with a central idea that is explained and supported.
task achievement
You need to provide more relevant examples to support your points. Examples should be specific and clearly linked to the ideas you are discussing in order to demonstrate the impact of social media effectively.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • immediacy
  • revolutionized
  • digestible
  • facilitating
  • niche communities
  • overreliance
  • misinformation
  • privacy concerns
  • decreased face-to-face interactions
  • perceive
  • readily available
  • implications
  • traditional forms of communication
  • outlets
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