IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Studies have shown that in many countries the income gap between the rich and poor is ever increasing. What problems can arise from this situation and what could be done to address this situation?

#studies #countries #income #gap #situation #address
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The difference in income between the affluent and impoverished is always
prevelant
Correct your spelling
prevalent
 in many countries and it is always growing,
this
Linking Words
 crack in remuneration creates certain issues in society.
To begin
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 with, there are multiple problems caused
due to
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 economic disparity. the
inaccebility
Correct your spelling
inaccessibility
inability
 of education to all classes of
people
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,
Remove the comma
apply
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 have
probability
Add an article
the probability
a probability
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to increase
Change preposition
of increasing
show examples
 the
crime
Use synonyms
rate
Use synonyms
, and
poor
Correct article usage
the poor
show examples
 public health care system
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 the main concern spreading inequality. It is more difficult for impoverished children to educate themselves because a good education is more expensive nowadays,
as a result
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,it is
dificult
Correct your spelling
difficult
 for them to grab a good
opportiunity
Correct your spelling
opportunity
.
Furthermore
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, the rise in
crime
Use synonyms
rate
Use synonyms
 is
also
Linking Words
 because of economic issues,
For example
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, in some parts of
African
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the African
show examples
 continent, the
crime
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rate
Use synonyms
 is high because
literacy
Correct article usage
the literacy
show examples
rate
Use synonyms
 is poor.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, Some solutions are
recomended
Correct your spelling
recommended
 to overcome the difference,
firstly
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government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 should provide, some financial help to
people
Use synonyms
 who are below in per-capita income of the
country
Use synonyms
. The government should ensure quality education at a low expense and better opportunity to find good jobs,
futhermore
Correct your spelling
furthermore
this
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 will surely
results
Change the verb form
result
show examples
 in reducing the vent between the rich and poor.
Secondly
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, wealthy
people
Use synonyms
 should pay timely taxes to overcome the differences in the
country
Use synonyms
.
For example
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, the mid-day food system which
is
Wrong verb form
been
show examples
 introduced in many parts of my
country
Use synonyms
 has increased the literacy
rate
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 In a nutshell, developing countries should focus on literacy rates to reduce poverty in their
country
Use synonyms
 to overcome
crime
Use synonyms
 rates. Other developed nations should lend their helping hands to overcome the gap between
two
Correct article usage
the two
show examples
 classes of
people
Use synonyms
. Scholarship and free books can uplift the poor class student to lead a better life in
their
Change the word
the
show examples
 future.
Submitted by shubhashish.bobby on

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coherence cohesion
The essay's overall logical structure is weak. Ideas need to be better organized and more clearly connected to one another. Work on transitioning smoothly between points, using phrases that show cause-and-effect, contrast, or sequence, in order to create a more cohesive argument.
coherence cohesion
Both the introduction and the conclusion are underdeveloped, affecting the overall clarity of the essay. The introduction should give a brief overview of the topic and a clear indication of what the essay will cover. The conclusion should summarize the main points and restate the thesis effectively without adding new information.
coherence cohesion
Main points are touched upon but not sufficiently developed with evidence and examples. When discussing issues such as education, crime, and public health, ensure that each point is supported with clear explanations or specific, illustrative examples.
task achievement
The essay does not fully address the prompt, as it does not develop comprehensive answers to 'what problems can arise' and 'what could be done'. To improve, directly respond to each aspect of the question and offer a more detailed exploration of the implications and possible solutions.
task achievement
The ideas presented need to be further developed to provide a clear and comprehensive understanding of the topic. Use a range of sentence structures and vocabulary to express and elaborate on the issues and solutions related to the income gap between the rich and poor.
task achievement
The use of relevant and specific examples is limited, which makes it challenging for the reader to grasp the real-world applications of your points. To enhance your response, incorporate concrete examples that effectively illustrate the issues and solutions you are discussing.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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