IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 2

An increasing number of people are buying what they need online. what are advantage and disadvantage for both individual and companies to shopping online?

#people #advantage #companies
The line graph represents the rate of trainees in four various states from 2003 to 2006.
Overall
, the data fluctuates
overtime
Correct your spelling
over time
show examples
 and
company
 A and B have similar trends,
while
company
Fix the agreement mistake
companies
show examples
 C and D have contrasting changes
Company
 A, which had a little over 25
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 of staff trained in 2003, remained constant for a year, before steadily falling to 20
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 in 2005.
Whereas
company
 B moderately rose from
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 similar point as the
company
 A to approximately 30
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
, before experiencing the same fate as the previous one and slightly declining.
However
, both of them grew until 2006
On the other hand
,
company
 C rocketed by nearly 10
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 from the initial point of 25
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
,
although
 it dropped to 30 in 2005.
While
company
 D fell from 20 to almost 15
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
. Despite that, it doubled in the same year
company
 C had fallen. By 2006, they both climbed to 35
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
Submitted by rahats2007 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
The information presented is not aligned with the topic/question provided. The essay should focus on the advantages and disadvantages of online shopping for individuals and companies, rather than providing data on trainee rates in companies. This indicates a significant misunderstanding of the task, suggesting room for considerable improvement in task response.
coherence cohesion
The essay lacks a clear introduction and conclusion which are critical components in IELTS Writing Task 2. Make sure to provide an introductory paragraph that addresses the question topic clearly, presents the main points of the discussion, and a conclusion that summarises the discussed points and restates your position.
coherence cohesion
The essay does exhibit some organization in discussing company trends, but without an appropriate introduction, clear paragraphing, and conclusion, it fails to present a logical and cohesive argument. Improve coherence by organizing your essay into paragraphs with clear topic sentences that introduce the main idea of each paragraph. Link your ideas with appropriate cohesive devices and ensure that there is a logical progression of ideas throughout the essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: