Children nowadays watch significantly more television than in the past, which reduces their activity levels accordingly. Why is this case? What measures can you suggest to encourage higher levels of activity among children?

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Some believe that
children
today spend considerably more
time
watching television than previous generations, leading to decreased physical activity levels. I strongly agree with
this
statement, and the following essay will discuss and recommend a few methods to address
this
issue. The busy lifestyle created by the bombardment of technology has made it difficult for
parents
, who face financial burdens, to keep their
children
engaged in physical
activities
.
As a result
,
children
spend more
time
being sedentary, with the amount of
time
spent on screen increasing from 53 minutes at 12 months to over 150 minutes at three years old.
Furthermore
, outdoor play opportunities are
also
a concern
due to
safety issues, urbanization, and changes in
neighborhood
Change the spelling
neighbourhood
show examples
dynamics. To address
this
issue, the government should build more high-quality themed
children
's parks to encourage outdoor
activities
and ensure safety for kids.
Parents
play a crucial role in
modeling
Change the spelling
modelling
show examples
healthy
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
for the next generation to mitigate these problems.
Parents
should encourage their
children
to engage in outdoor
activities
like sports or art clubs to limit screen
time
. They could
also
participate in outdoor
activities
with their
children
during the weekend,
thus
strengthening their family bond and setting a good example.
Additionally
,
parents
could encourage their
children
to walk or bike to school if it is just a short distance. In conclusion,
while
it is true that watching television is not too harmful to youngsters,
children
need to engage in physical activity for healthy development. Adults are responsible for inspiring and guiding them towards healthier habits.
Submitted by channguyenhon6 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure a clear logical structure throughout the essay. You can improve by connecting your ideas more fluidly, making sure each paragraph seamlessly leads into the next.
coherence cohesion
While an introduction and conclusion were present, aim to make your conclusion a summary that reinforces your essay's main points without introducing new information.
coherence cohesion
Support your main points with deeper analysis and a wider range of examples. Use specific evidence and data where possible to strengthen your arguments.
task achievement
It is critical to fully respond to all parts of the task. While the essay addresses the questions, try to provide a more in-depth exploration of the reasons behind the statement.
task achievement
Strive to express clear and comprehensive ideas, ensuring each paragraph has a central concept that is well explained and supported.
task achievement
Incorporate relevant, specific examples to illustrate your points. Examples should be detailed and directly linked to your arguments for a more effective essay.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • accessibility
  • content
  • digital platforms
  • on-demand streaming services
  • babysitting
  • marketing
  • urban environments
  • structured screen time
  • physical activity
  • treasure hunts
  • educational campaigns
  • curriculum
  • after-school sports programs
  • gamification
  • fitness apps
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