IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

some people claim that the media has a negetive influence on contemporary society. They think that there is very little tolerance for new ideas because of its impact. To what extend do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

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It is often argued that the
media
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 has affected
society
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 in a
negetive
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negative
 way and made our diverse world too uniform. From
mu
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my
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 perspective, It seems absurd since
culture
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 has been diversified by the positive influence of
media
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 because it has
boradened
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broadened
people
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's
overall
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 outlook and made
society
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 more interesting.
To begin
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 with, the
media
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 has helped develop tolerance for different ways of thinking. In the past, many
people
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 were not aware of
Correct article usage
the traditons
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traditons
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traditions
 and values of other societies.
However
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, we now know so much more about the world because of various types of
media
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.
For example
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,
people
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 now have access to movies and documentaries that depict ways of life in different countries.
This
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 has led not to a
simplication
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simplification
 of cultures but to a more accepting attitude toward the ideas and values of
people
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 from other backgrounds.
This
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 creates a more diverse and open-minded
society
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. On top of that, the
media
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 has made
culture
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 more diverse by helping to develop new and original trends in
society
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. It acts as a versatile medium that allows art and identity to come together and
to
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apply
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become more innovative and modern.
For instance
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, take street fashion in Japan. After seeing a variety of American
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culture
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cultures
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 depicted on TV, Japanese teens merged
theri
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their
there
 fashions with those popular in America.
As a result
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, a new type of clothing style that included elements from both cultures was born.
This
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 illustrates how the
media
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 can allow distinct and creative trends to emerge. In conclusion, the
media
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 has
been
Verb problem
played
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 a crucial role
on
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in
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society
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 by opening the world up to new ideas and making
culture
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 more exciting. For these reasons, the
media
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's effect on
society
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 has been positive rather than negative.

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task achievement
To achieve a higher score, ensure that all spelling errors are corrected. Specifically, the word 'negetive' should be corrected to 'negative,' and 'boradened' should be 'broadened.' Minor spelling mistakes can detract from the overall quality.
task achievement
Consider adding a sentence or two that acknowledges the opposing view more explicitly, before explaining why you disagree with it. This can present a more balanced argument, showing a comprehensive understanding of different perspectives.
coherence cohesion
For improved coherence and cohesion, make sure transitions between sentences and paragraphs are completely smooth. Linking phrases between main ideas and examples could be clearer, providing a more seamless flow of information.
task achievement
The essay provides a well-rounded response to the prompt, addressing the role of media on society both historically and in contemporary settings. This demonstrates a complete and insightful approach to the task.
task achievement
The examples given, such as the effect of media on fashion trends in Japan, are particularly strong and relevant. They vividly illustrate the points and are supported by details, enhancing the overall argument.
coherence cohesion
The essay is well-structured, providing clear introduction and conclusion paragraphs that effectively encapsulate the main thesis and sum up the arguments. This helps in logically framing the essay.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • sensationalize
  • biased reporting
  • diverse viewpoints
  • echo chambers
  • cynical view
  • innovative changes
  • media literacy
  • exposure
  • global perspectives
  • diversity
  • critical evaluation
  • open-mindedness
  • dissemination of information
  • tolerance
  • polarization
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