There are many different types of music in the world today. Why do we need music? Is the traditional music of a country more important than the international music that is heard everywhere nowadays?
In the present day, there is a diverse spectrum of melodic genres that symbolize cultural diversity.
This
article contends that the vast majority of Linking Words
people
enjoy hearing Use synonyms
music
because it offers them joy and that traditional Use synonyms
music
is more important to a nation than foreign Use synonyms
music
.
The primary purpose for which Use synonyms
people
need Use synonyms
music
is to be entertained. Use synonyms
This
means that listening to a variety of Linking Words
music
can have the power to alter our mood and link us to everyone. In Indonesia, Use synonyms
for example
, certain individuals attend musical performances on the weekends, Linking Words
whereas
others simply listen to tunes at home for stimulation. Linking Words
Thus
, it's obvious that hearing songs and musical instruments is mostly motivated by happiness.
It has always been debated whether a country's style should be traditional or cosmopolitan. I believe the former is superior to the latter since it contains local values and wisdom that the Linking Words
people
can learn about their own culture. Traditional Use synonyms
music
's legacy is cultural in a sense, Use synonyms
in addition
to strengthening our ties to the past. Linking Words
For example
, gamelan, an Indonesian traditional ensemble, has been played by Javanese musicians with specific expertise, Linking Words
such
as the Javanese language, since the 16th century AD. It is regarded as the most ideal means for introducing the moral principles and culture of the Javanese way of thinking. Linking Words
In contrast
, because international Linking Words
music
is notably commercialized by the business sector, the international melody that can be heard in every area of the world is mainly for entertainment and business reasons. Use synonyms
Furthermore
, cultural variations hurt adolescents to some extent. Linking Words
As a result
, traditional Linking Words
music
has grown in importance, and governments should safeguard it.
In conclusion, there are several melodious types that Use synonyms
people
can easily listen to. The primary objective of listening to them is to achieve happiness. Use synonyms
Although
the worldwide melody is more popular and easy to hear, I believe the traditional melody is of greater significance for a country because of its cultural values and comprehension.Linking Words
Submitted by minhngoc26052004 on
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coherence cohesion
The essay follows a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion, which positively contributes to the coherence. However, the logical flow can be improved by providing more explicit transitions between ideas and paragraphs.
coherence cohesion
The main points are supported throughout but some examples lack sufficient detail. Provide more specific examples and elaborate on how they support your main points.
task achievement
The response to the task is adequate and you address all parts of the prompt. However, balance the discussion between traditional and international music with more equal consideration and provide a deeper analysis of the question's aspects.
task achievement
To enhance clarity and comprehensiveness, focus on developing arguments with complexity and depth. Address potential counterarguments to create a more balanced essay.
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