There are many different types of music in the world today. Why do we need music? Is the traditional music of a country more important than the international music that is heard everywhere nowadays?

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In the present day, there is a diverse spectrum of melodic genres that symbolize cultural diversity.

This

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article contends that the vast majority of

people

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enjoy hearing

music

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because it offers them joy and that traditional

music

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is more important to a nation than foreign

music

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. The primary purpose for which

people

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need

music

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is to be entertained.

This

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means that listening to a variety of

music

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can have the power to alter our mood and link us to everyone. In Indonesia,

for example

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, certain individuals attend musical performances on the weekends,

whereas

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others simply listen to tunes at home for stimulation.

Thus

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, it's obvious that hearing songs and musical instruments is mostly motivated by happiness. It has always been debated whether a country's style should be traditional or cosmopolitan. I believe the former is superior to the latter since it contains local values and wisdom that the

people

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can learn about their own culture. Traditional

music

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's legacy is cultural in a sense,

in addition

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to strengthening our ties to the past.

For example

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, gamelan, an Indonesian traditional ensemble, has been played by Javanese musicians with specific expertise,

such

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as the Javanese language, since the 16th century AD. It is regarded as the most ideal means for introducing the moral principles and culture of the Javanese way of thinking.

In contrast

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, because international

music

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is notably commercialized by the business sector, the international melody that can be heard in every area of the world is mainly for entertainment and business reasons.

Furthermore

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, cultural variations hurt adolescents to some extent.

As a result

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, traditional

music

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has grown in importance, and governments should safeguard it. In conclusion, there are several melodious types that

people

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can easily listen to. The primary objective of listening to them is to achieve happiness.

Although

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the worldwide melody is more popular and easy to hear, I believe the traditional melody is of greater significance for a country because of its cultural values and comprehension.

minhngoc26052004Thu Dec 14 2023

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coherence cohesion

The essay follows a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion, which positively contributes to the coherence. However, the logical flow can be improved by providing more explicit transitions between ideas and paragraphs.

coherence cohesion

The main points are supported throughout but some examples lack sufficient detail. Provide more specific examples and elaborate on how they support your main points.

task achievement

The response to the task is adequate and you address all parts of the prompt. However, balance the discussion between traditional and international music with more equal consideration and provide a deeper analysis of the question's aspects.

task achievement

To enhance clarity and comprehensiveness, focus on developing arguments with complexity and depth. Address potential counterarguments to create a more balanced essay.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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10
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meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 8.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

327 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

emotional release
cultural significance
globalization
cultural exchange
technology
preservation
cultural heritage
social cohesion
expression
consumption
production
traditional music
international music
diversity
identity

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There are many different types of music in the world today. Why do we need music? Is the traditional music of a country more important than the international music that is heard everywhere nowadays?

Your opinion

Fewer and fewer people today write by hand using a pen, pencil or brush. What are the reasons for this? Is the decline in writing by hand a positive or negative development? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Nowadays we are producing more and more rubbish. Why do you think this is happening? What can government do to reduce the amount of rubbish produced? Give reasons for your answers and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience

Many people go through life doing work that they hate or have no talent for. Why does this happen? What are the consequences of this situation? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

In many countries, a small number of people earn extremely high salaries. Some people believe that this is good for the country, but others think that governments should not allow salaries above a certain level. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Childhood obesity is becoming a serious problem in many countries. Explain the main causes and effects of this problem and suggest some possible solutions.