IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

Some people think that it is better for kids to learn with online educational materials, while others believe kids should learn with hard copy/printed educational materials. Discuss both views and give your own opinion

#people #kids #materials #copy
There are individuals who hold
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 view that online texts are beneficial to studying for
children
.
However
, other people assert that
papar
Correct your spelling
paper
 educational
materials
 are better for kids.
This
 essay will explore the advantages and the disadvantages of both arguments, and I will explore my
postion
Correct your spelling
position
 that the merits
on
Change preposition
of
show examples
 studying with online
materials
are significantly outweigh
Change the verb form
significantly outweigh
show examples
 the demerits, in terms of convenience, ecology, and the projection
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
Correct article usage
the populartity
show examples
populartity
Correct your spelling
popularity
 of
degital
Correct your spelling
digital
 media in the future.
To begin
 with, nowadays, though the immense advancement in
disitalisation
Correct your spelling
digitalisation
digitalization
 offers
signifincant
Correct your spelling
significant
 merits in education, hard copy/printed
materials
 are still playing a firmly important role. In practice. in several developing areas where the internet has not been adequately implemented, paper textbooks, which can easily
deliver
Wrong verb form
be delivered
show examples
 to
children
 are essential for their education.
Moreover
, the
sence
Correct your spelling
sense
science
 of flipping paper books might affect the ability of memory,
stimurating
Correct your spelling
stimulating
 dynamically
children
's brains.
On the other hand
,
while
 there are some developing areas in digitalisation worldwide, the considerable development of the internet contributes to providing a variety of learning
platfrom
Correct your spelling
platform
platforms
 to
children
.
For example
, some online language learning systems including
italki
Change the capitalization
Italki
show examples
 and
preply
Change the capitalization
Preply
show examples
 can offer useful and affordable language lessons to
children
, encouraging their learning motivation by
inteructive
Correct your spelling
interactive
 and exciting
contents
Fix the agreement mistake
content
show examples
. In
addtion
Correct your spelling
addition
, the format of online
educatinal
Correct your spelling
educational
materals
Correct your spelling
materials
material
 is evidently
eco-frendly
Correct your spelling
eco-friendly
, compared to papers made by natural
resouces
Correct your spelling
resources
.
Furthermore
, there is a perspective that the majority of information media will shift from the papers to the digital
materials
.
Therefore
,
children
 should be accustomed to
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
materials
, considering the versatile usage of digital formats. In summary, both sides of
Correct article usage
the arguments
show examples
arguments
Fix the agreement mistake
argument
show examples
 have their own merits and demerits.
However
,
while
 global digitalisation is an important
improvements
Change the noun form
improvement
show examples
, I wholeheartedly believe that online educational
materials
 are significantly beneficial to
children
's learning, as
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 contribute to convenience, ecology, and learning the format of information in
degital
Correct your spelling
digital
 media.
Submitted by taekojb77 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

structure
Ensure that your essay has a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. The introduction should present the topic and your thesis statement. Each body paragraph should contain one central idea and be supported with examples or explanations. The conclusion should summarize your main points and restate your opinion.
development
Work on developing your main ideas more extensively. Each paragraph should explore the point made, providing examples and explanations. Try to engage in deeper analysis and more detailed descriptions where possible.
language use
Do not use repetitions of ideas or words unnecessarily. Aim for varied language and structure in your sentences. Use synonyms and related phrases to avoid repetition and to maintain the reader's interest.
examples
Provide more specific examples and evidence to support your points. Use statistics, real-world examples, or hypothetical scenarios to make your argument more compelling and to demonstrate a deeper understanding of the topic.
accuracy
Check work for typographical and grammatical errors. Misspellings and incorrect grammar can disrupt the reader's experience and the clarity of your message. Utilize tools to proofread your work or read it aloud to catch mistakes.
task response
Ensure that your essay fully addresses the task, discussing both views and your own opinion. Be sure to spend a similar amount of time on each view and to clearly state your personal stance on the issue.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: