IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

Some experts believe that it is better for children to begin learning a foreign language at primary school rather than Secondary school. Do the advantage of this outweight the disadvantages?

#experts #children #language #school #advantage #outweight
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In modern
Use synonyms
time
Fix the agreement mistake
times
show examples
instruct
Wrong verb form
instructing
show examples
 foreign
Use synonyms
language
Fix the agreement mistake
languages
show examples
most
Add a missing verb
is most
show examples
 important for every age people not
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
children
Use synonyms
.few
expats
Correct your spelling
ex-pats
show examples
 like that it is good for
children
Use synonyms
 to comments instruct another country
language
Use synonyms
 at primary
school
Use synonyms
 rather than Secondary
School
Use synonyms
. I strongly believe that the
advantage
Fix the agreement mistake
advantages
show examples
 of
this
Linking Words
outweight
Correct your spelling
outweigh
outweighs
 the disadvantages. to commence with nowadays
children
Use synonyms
 want to learn different
type
Fix the agreement mistake
types
show examples
 of think
also
Linking Words
 they
are interest
Change the verb form
are interested
are interesting
show examples
to instruct
Change preposition
in instructing
show examples
 foreign
Use synonyms
language
Fix the agreement mistake
languages
show examples
. when
any
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
children
Use synonyms
 begin their studied life that
time
Use synonyms
lots
Use synonyms
 of
children
Use synonyms
Add a missing verb
are interest
show examples
interest
Replace the word
interested
show examples
 for now foreign
Use synonyms
language
Fix the agreement mistake
languages
show examples
.
in
Change the preposition
at
show examples
this
Linking Words
 moment they are day by day learn
lots
Use synonyms
 of vocabulary and
another thing
Fix the agreement mistake
other things
show examples
.
for
Linking Words
instance
Add a comma
instance,
show examples
 my
one
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
nephew when he
study
Wrong verb form
studied
show examples
 at primary
school
Use synonyms
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
time
Use synonyms
he
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
instruct
Wrong verb form
instructed
show examples
 everyday new
word
Fix the agreement mistake
words
show examples
 or vocabulary
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 Foreign
Use synonyms
language
Fix the agreement mistake
languages
show examples
. because in
this
Linking Words
 moment if we hell learn for
language
Use synonyms
 with his
study
Fix the agreement mistake
studies
show examples
then
Linking Words
 he will be able to learn
Use synonyms
language
Correct article usage
a language
show examples
 easily that causes
he
Correct pronoun usage
him
show examples
land
Fix the infinitive
to land
show examples
 and he
got
Verb problem
has
show examples
lots
Use synonyms
 of facilities
otherwise
Linking Words
 when he
admitted
Add a missing verb
is admitted
show examples
Secondary
Change preposition
to Secondary
show examples
School
Use synonyms
 that
time
Use synonyms
 he does not face
lots
Use synonyms
 of
problem
Change to a plural noun
problems
show examples
.
on the other
Linking Words
hand
Add a comma
hand,
show examples
children
Use synonyms
 learning for ending with primary
school
Use synonyms
 because
while
Linking Words
 they can remember easily everything how were
also
Linking Words
children
Use synonyms
 decide to instruct for any
language
Use synonyms
 what its difficult for them.
To
Change preposition
In
show examples
 conclusion,
children
Use synonyms
 learn at primary
Use synonyms
school it's
Correct pronoun usage
school's
show examples
 better because they
instruct
Wrong verb form
are instructed
show examples
 easily
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 causes
they
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
 are
preferred
Wrong verb form
prefer
show examples
 to learn
primary
Change preposition
in primary
show examples
school
Use synonyms
 rather than Secondary
School
Use synonyms
. but
also
Linking Words
 learn secondary schools in for
language
Use synonyms
 but
its
Replace the word
it's
it is
show examples
 difficult for
lots
Use synonyms
 of
children
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by rouf94728 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
The essay lacks a clear and logical structure, making it difficult to follow the line of argument. It's important to structure your essay with a clear introduction, well-developed body paragraphs, and a concise conclusion.
coherence cohesion
Introduction and conclusion are present but require clear statements that summarize the overall stance and key points. Avoid repetition and make sure the conclusion restates your position firmly.
coherence cohesion
Main points need more support and development. They should be backed by relevant examples, explanations, and reasons. Aim for clarity in expressing your ideas.
task achievement
While the essay attempts to address the task of discussing the advantages and disadvantages, it is not fully accomplished due to lack of development in ideas and examples. Provide a more in-depth exploration of each point.
task achievement
Your ideas need to be presented more clearly and comprehensively. Work on sentence structure and vocabulary to express your points more effectively.
task achievement
Use of examples is important to illustrate your points. Ensure that the examples are directly relevant and expand on your arguments.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: