IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people believe that nowadays we have too many choices. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In
this
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 modern era, the faster revolution by developing technology has provided society with a wide array of options. People can pick and choose favourable prospects with a range of available nearby options like
food
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 and online shopping. I completely agree with
this
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 essay, and I will elaborate on my views for the sentences,
thus
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 will lead to a logical conclusion.
To begin
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 with,
due to
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 various technologies, modern humans enjoy an unprecedented array of choices,
such
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 as cuisine.
Food
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 become an essential energy for employees and college students. Of course, they will choose a simple
food
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 with high protein and calories. Because of that, a variety of cuisines comes with a unique version. As a case in point,
food
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 preservation techniques in Indonesia are as friendly as a server.
Thus
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,
food
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 becomes a high range of choices.
On the other hand
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, technology has developed in our phones, and because of that, a range of commercials has come up with a lot of sales. Today, we can choose everything through our phones.
For instance
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, if I want to buy clothes, I can search in online mobile applications everywhere, and every time I search a keyword, I can see the reviews by people who bought
such
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 sizes and colours, so I can decide what clothes match me. At the same time, the delivery takes two or three days.
Hence
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. Online shopping become easy through mobile phones.
To sum up
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, enormous choices in
this
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 modern era can make life easier for people, especially things around us like choosing
food
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 and online shopping.

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coherence cohesion
To improve your logical structure, make sure to have clear transitions between ideas and paragraphs. Each body paragraph should focus on a separate point, following a logical sequence that enhances the flow of the essay.
coherence cohesion
It is essential to have both an introduction and a conclusion, but they should do more than just introduce the topic or summarize the points made. Instead, use the introduction to outline your perspective clearly, and the conclusion to reflect on the implications or offer a final thought on the issue.
coherence cohesion
While some of your main points are supported, there is room for further development. Use more detailed examples and clearly explain how they support your argument to strengthen your essay.
task achievement
You've provided a complete response to the task, but to improve the clarity and comprehensiveness of your ideas, try to develop your arguments further. Each main point should be distinctly discussed with specific details to give a fuller explanation of your stance.
task achievement
You've included some examples, but to improve your score, make sure that your examples are not only relevant but also specific and detailed to illustrate your points effectively.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • overwhelmed
  • decision fatigue
  • paralysis by analysis
  • consumerism
  • globalization
  • personal autonomy
  • market saturation
  • option overload
  • decision-making process
  • psychological well-being
  • buyer's remorse
  • customization
  • trade-offs
  • minimalism
  • information superhighway
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