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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some say that music, art and drama are as important as other school subjects, especially at the primary level. Do you agree or disagree?

#say #music #art #drama #school #subjects #level
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It is argued by some that in the primary level,
art
subjects
 take the same importance as other
subjects
 in schools.
This
 essay agrees with the statement because it leads to creativity and encourages social behaviour. When primary-level
students
 are taught
subjects
 like music,
art
, and drama, their brain starts developing.
Such
subjects
 require plenty of thinking and brainstorming that stretches the brain, thereby more neurons are fired in the cerebral cortex, fostering creativity.
For example
, a study by the University of Cambridge on the primary-level
students
 of Minnesota over a period of 30 years suggested that the children who took up
art
subjects
 gave more innovative solutions to problems at work compared to those who took other specializations. The
subjects
, often have group participation and assignments as a part of their curriculum, which requires young children to sit together and learn a certain
art
 form. In that process, new bonding and friendship happens with other children.
This
 creates a social setting, and it is here that these
students
 begin to learn how to socialize.
For instance
, the
art
 and culture club of St. Xavier's Institution, a school in Kolkata, India, has mandatory classes in drama and music from first to fourth standards to ensure that
students
 get comfortable and talk to one another. In conclusion,schools should emphasize
art
, drama, and music classes on the same level as other
subjects
 because not only does
this
 help primary-school
students
 develop creative thinking, but
also
 teaches them to socialize with others by forcing interaction with others.
Submitted by majumdarnilesh21 on

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task achievement
While the essay is well-organized, ensuring that the introduction explicitly mentions both reasons (creativity and social behavior) right from the beginning would strengthen the task response.
task achievement
Even though the essay has relevant examples, including an additional example or more detailed evidence could make it even more compelling.
coherence cohesion
To further enhance coherence and cohesion, consider using transition words between the introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. This would make the flow of ideas even smoother.
coherence cohesion
The essay includes a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps in framing the argument cohesively.
task achievement
The main points are well-supported with specific examples, enhancing the overall argument.
coherence cohesion
Logical structure is maintained throughout the essay, making it easy to follow and understand.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • holistic development
  • fostering
  • emotional intelligence
  • problem-solving skills
  • cultural awareness
  • curriculum
  • engaging
  • memorable
  • nurture
  • talents
  • core subjects
  • academic
  • professional success
What to do next:
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