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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

ChatGPT Some people believe that in order to reduce the rising obesity among children the school administration should make it necessary for every child to participate in sports and other outdoor activities.

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Obesity
Use synonyms
 among youngsters has increased and spread in recent years, without a doubt. The
school
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 should participate by having the administration play a role in reducing the largest number of
obesity
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 cases, which can be accomplished by increasing
children
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's participation in
school
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 festivals and outdoor activities.
While
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 it is widely believed that the goal of
schools
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 is to focus on
children
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's performance.
Obesity
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 among
children
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 is an important topic for discussion and analysis. In my opinion,
schools
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 can control rising
obesity
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 rates and seek to lower them through a variety of efficient strategies.
To begin
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 with, there are vast methods that can work effectively to reduce the numbers of
obesity
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 among
children
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. First of all,
schools
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 could provide compulsory
sports
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 classes, which will make the
children
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 marked and graded based on their performance.
Furthermore
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,
schools
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 could make competitions among
children
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 that may attract them to participate in it.
In other words
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, if there is a reward for the
children
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 who win in a competition,
this
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 will promote the challenge and motivate
children
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 to participate.
For example
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, my young sister participated in a running competition at her
school
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, and the winner got a trophy as a reward. Another point to consider is the necessity of having a society without
obesity
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, which is a significant thing that should focus on from the
school
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 side and the parent side alike.
Moreover
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, doubtfully,
children
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 spend most of their time at
school
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, and by
this
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,
schools
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 influence their needs and demands by keeping the
sports
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 part of
children
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's lives. Ultimately, providing
sports
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 lessons and sessions for
children
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 in the
school
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 should encourage their parents to motivate their
children
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 to participate in those lessons. In conclusion, despite having different views. I believe that encouraging the
children
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 to participate in the
sports
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 sessions at the
school
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 will impact their health in a positive way for the future.

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Coherence and Cohesion
Consider enhancing the logical flow between paragraphs with more linking phrases to guide the reader through your arguments smoothly.
Coherence and Cohesion
Make sure each paragraph clearly contributes to building your overall argument, with clear transitions between ideas.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, effectively framing the discussion.
Task Achievement
The use of specific examples, like your sister's participation in a running competition, helps to illustrate your points effectively.
Task Achievement
The essay addresses the task fully, providing thoughtful analysis and constructive suggestions for reducing child obesity through school involvement.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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