IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Many people believe that the media plays a crucial role in shaping public opinion. Others argue that individuals have the power to form their own opinions independent of media influence. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #media #role #individuals #power #form #influence
Ever since the dawn of civilisation,
information
 has been regarded as the
one
 uniting factor that linked people, kept them united and woven what has now become their culture over the centuries, the church being
one
 of the first influential institutes during the dark period, and in
this
 modern era where so many events are constantly
ocurring
Correct your spelling
occurring
, the large grasp of
power
 and influence the
media
posseses
Correct your spelling
possesses
 is what has been shaping the very opinions of the masses. A divine
power
 that has been corrupted by human nature and coveted by humanity's
never ending
Add a hyphen
never-ending
show examples
, unquenchable thirst for
power
, i will be advancing my arguments in the
fourthcoming
Correct your spelling
coming
 paragraphs.
Firstly
,
media
Correct article usage
the media
show examples
 is viewed as the most consistent and reliable source of
information
, which has led people to blindly follow it.
However
, devotion does not lead to righteousness, and
one
 has a duty to think for
one
's self and supplement his lack of
information
 on subjects where he lacks the requisite knowledge.,
moreover
, it's only natural for these institutions to be targeted by a higher
power
,
therefore
, the
informaton
Correct your spelling
information
 that
media
 spreads
remainsuncertain
Correct your spelling
remains uncertain
.
Moreover
, having the monopoly of
information
,
as well as
 being able to control it by selectively pushing forward select articles,
censor
Wrong verb form
censoring
show examples
 inconvenient journals and
promote
Wrong verb form
promoting
show examples
 their desired ideals and
doctrins
Correct your spelling
doctrines
doctrine
, a government is capable of fully subjugating an entire civilisation without the use of force or causing riots and using propaganda as a war and political tactic that can wreak havoc or spread hatred, the Holocaust being a prime example of what
information
 can do when placed in bad hands. In conclusion,
media
 is a good way to acquire
information
 and gain knowledge on the events happening in the world, but it should not be
one
's only way of gaining
information
, especially when it comes to political subjects and controversial topics, though most people
unfortunately
Add the comma(s)
, unfortunately,
show examples
 place most of their trust in those said institutions.
Submitted by diahbenamor1 on

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task response
Your introduction presents a generalized opinion without clearly discussing both views as the question prompt requests. Make sure to address both sides of the argument before stating your own opinion.
task response
Your conclusion summarizes your view, but it doesn't effectively encapsulate the discussion of both viewpoints. Ensure that your conclusion reflects all aspects of the question, providing a balanced overview of both sides and clearly stating your own opinion.
coherence and cohesion
The essay partially progresses in a logical manner, but the structure could be enhanced by organizing your ideas into clear paragraphs that each contain a single main idea, supported by relevant information and examples.
coherence and cohesion
Some main points in your essay are supported, yet the development is insufficient. Include more relevant examples and explain how they support your points for a stronger argument.
coherence and cohesion
Work on using cohesive devices appropriately. Linking words, transitional phrases, and paragraph structures will help create coherence within and between paragraphs.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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