IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

The most important aim of science should be to improve people's lives. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#aim #science #people #lives
Nowadays, technology is advancing rapidly
due to
 the expansion of
science
. Many countries in
this
 world are in the race to achieve their aim of scientific knowledge. Some societies believe that
science
 should improve human
being
Fix the agreement mistake
beings
show examples
 lives. In my perspective, I strongly agree with
this
 idea which will be discussed the reasons later on.
To begin
 with, the development of
science
 merits
individual
Correct article usage
an individual
show examples
 lifetime. Many invented cures
as well as
 discoveries the new innovations
safe
Replace the word
save
show examples
 many lives.
For instance
, in the past, populations could not survive from disease
due to
 a lack of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
knowledge,
however
, in the present, scientists are now producing vaccines, and the public can live side by side. One clear example is the development of vaccines during the COVID-19 outbreak which gradually stopped the
overall
 death tolls.
Moreover
, scientific advancements in modern agriculture can improve the sustainability of the process, leading to eco-friendly
such
 as organic plantations
along with
 the method that has proven to be effective in lessening feed loss.
In addition
, when it comes to technology,
science
 can be seen as subordinate to the enjoyment of people, including mobile phones and computers which allow us to listen to music, play games, learn online, enhance global processing, and so on.
Therefore
, the highest aim of
science
 is to help communities become more connected and reach others. In conclusion, there can be no doubt that a discipline’s foremost purpose is to enhance people’s well-being. And there are multiple benefits
due to
 advances in scientific understanding.
Submitted by Jinyada5910 on

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task achievement
While you have presented a clear position throughout your response, your essay lacks depth in developing ideas and needs to be more explicitly connected to the prompt. Additionally, make sure every paragraph contains a clear main idea that is relevant to the topic, with subsequent sentences expanding on that idea.
coherence and cohesion
Work on presenting a more logical and organized sequence of ideas. Transitions between sentences and paragraphs should be smoother, guiding the reader from introduction to conclusion with clear coherence. Use a variety of linking words accurately and effectively to create cohesion within and across paragraphs.
lexical resource
Try to expand your vocabulary to express ideas more precisely and make your essay more interesting. Avoid repetition of words and phrases and make use of synonyms. Carefully select words that convey the exact nuance you intend.
grammatical range and accuracy
To earn a higher score, you should display a wider range of sentence structures, including complex grammatical forms. Aim to make negligible errors in grammar and punctuation. Proofreading your essay can help in identifying and correcting these inaccuracies.

Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • crucial role
  • technological advancements
  • medical discoveries
  • life-changing inventions
  • innovations
  • solutions to human problems
  • enhancing quality of life
  • improvement of healthcare
  • transportation
  • communication
  • agriculture
  • energy sectors
  • eradication of diseases
  • prolongation of life expectancy
  • global challenges
  • climate change
  • overpopulation
  • food security
  • developed world
  • underprivileged communities
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