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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

There are two-line chart diagrams depict changes that the percent of electrical appliance in households in 1920-2019 and the total time of doing housework every weeks in same time.

There are two-line chart diagrams depict changes that the percent of electrical appliance in households in 1920-2019 and the total time of doing housework every weeks in same time.
#diagrams #changes #percent #appliance #households #time #housework #weeks
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The line charts
shows
Change the verb form
show
show examples
 the
comparision
Correct your spelling
comparison
 of electrical appliances used and the number of hours
working
Wrong verb form
worked
show examples
 every week from 1920 to 2019. Over the
years
Use synonyms
, there
is
Wrong verb form
has been
show examples
drastic
Add an article
a drastic
the drastic
show examples
 increase in
Use synonyms
usage
Correct article usage
the usage
show examples
 of electronic
devices
Use synonyms
 rather than people working at home.
Initially
Linking Words
 in 1920, the
usage
Use synonyms
 of electronic
devices
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as washing
machine
Fix the agreement mistake
machines
show examples
,
refrigerator
Fix the agreement mistake
refrigerators
show examples
 and
vaccum
Correct your spelling
vacuum
 cleaner has
fourty
Correct your spelling
forty
four
, zero, and thirty
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 respectively.
Linking Words
While
Change preposition
Over
show examples
 the
years
Use synonyms
increased
Verb problem
apply
show examples
the use of washing
machine
Fix the agreement mistake
machines
show examples
is
Verb problem
has
show examples
 lesser compared to the other two machines.
Refrigerator
Correct article usage
The refrigerator
show examples
 is the one which has been most used
since
Change preposition
from
show examples
 1940 to 2019 from 52
percent
Use synonyms
 to 100
percent
Use synonyms
 in 1980 and it has been constant till 2019. But, Vaccum cleaner has
also
Linking Words
 a constant increase from 1920 to 1980 from 30
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 to 90
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 and in 2000 the
usage
Use synonyms
 of
vaccum
Correct your spelling
vacuum
 cleaners has been to 100
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 and it is constantly increased as
refrigerator
Fix the agreement mistake
refrigerators
show examples
 since
then
Linking Words
. The percentage of using electronic
devices
Use synonyms
 has
been
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
increased over the
years
Use synonyms
 compared to people working in their houses. In 1920, people working at home per week has 50
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 and as the
years
Use synonyms
 increased the hours worked per week
has been
Wrong verb form
were
show examples
 reduced to almost 10
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 in 2019 and the
usage
Use synonyms
 of electronic
devices
Use synonyms
has risen
Wrong verb form
rose
show examples
.
Submitted by akitirishika on

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Vocabulary: Replace the words years, usage, devices, percent with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "compared" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 6 times.
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