IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Countries such as China, India, and Japan have unsustainable population growths. In fact, many experts are of the opinion that the population ‘explosion’ which is now a very worrying concern, is the most serious threat to life on this planet. Give some suggestions to address this problem

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An increase in population creates an increase in demands which is why leaders of different
countries
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 are anxious about continuously evolving populations across the
world
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.It is
also
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 seen as a threat to other creatures on the earth. I intend to discuss some solutions regarding
this
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 issue.
To begin
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 with, Most of the
world
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's public is residing in two
countries
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 which are India and
China
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.
Although
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 there were many reasons behind
this
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 growth, the specific one was the uncontrolled birth rate. Because there was no concept of family planning in these
countries
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 and people used to have many children.
However
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, it can only be tackled by introducing strict laws.
For instance
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,
China
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 implemented
one
Correct determiner usage
a
show examples
child
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one-child
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 policy in the country which reduced the birth rate and resulted in dragging
China
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 from 1st to 2nd position in the chart of the largest population in the
world
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. Moving
further
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, There is
also
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 the upcoming problem of shortage of resources which needs the attention of policymakers of
countries
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. Now, scientists and agriculturists are experimenting with indoor farming , in which an atmosphere is created inside a building to grow plants.
However
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, it is currently practised by few people but it would be a revolutionary step in fulfilling food requirements if it gets support from governments.
For example
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, the government of
China
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 provides subsidies for vertical farming which made the production in
China
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 at the top in the
world
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 with 17.9% per year.
To conclude
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, It is a common problem in the
world
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 so all the
countries
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 should come together to resolve it. In fact, developed nations have to help the developing
countries
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 to cope with
this
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 challenge.

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clarification
Make sure to define specific terms like 'indoor farming' or 'family planning' more clearly to ensure clarity for a diverse audience.
cohesion
Enhance cohesion by using more linkers and transitions between ideas such as 'moreover,' 'in addition,' or 'furthermore.'
task response
Expand on the examples given, perhaps by comparing them to another similar phenomenon in another country to provide a deeper understanding
introduction conclusion
The essay provides a clear introduction and conclusion, setting the context and summarizing the key points.
task response
Examples used, like China’s policy, are relevant and well-illustrated, adding weight to the arguments.
logical structure
Logical flow of ideas is maintained throughout, as each paragraph presents its unique point relating back to the main topic.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • unsustainable population growth
  • population explosion
  • family planning programs
  • gender equality
  • economic development
  • sustainable growth
  • fertility rates
  • technological advancements
  • infrastructural development
  • incentivize
  • tax benefits
  • subsidies
  • environmental impacts
  • social impacts
  • healthcare systems
  • reproductive health services
  • contraception
  • legislative measures
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