IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Technology has brought many benefits to people, however, some elderly have difficult using technology. What are the possible benefits of technology for the elderly population and how can they be encouraged to use it. Give answers and explainations to support your opion.

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Modern advancement has offered numerous advantages to humans.
Nevertheless
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, older
people
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face
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 problems using it. Advanced technology helps the elderly population by assisting them in keeping in touch with loved ones and improving everyday
health
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,
however
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, they should be motivated through easy learning and
use
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. Modern gadgets can help the older population stay in touch with friends, families, and the community and enhance their
health
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 effectively. Over using apps Facebook Messenger, or WhatsApp to text simple messages or make video calls.
This
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 will bring happiness when reaching that age,
on the contrary
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, they can find lots of laughs
while
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face
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 to
face
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 talking with close friends or their grandchildren. Not only advancements have brought older
people
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 enjoyment, but
in contrast
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,
also
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 aided their
health
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.
For example
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, using an Apple watch during jogging helps control heart rate and step count through index displays on the screen. Without a doubt, it is in the interest of the younger family members to promote the
use
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 of automation by their elders. Elderly
people
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face
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 challenges using new devices,
consequently
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, they should be motivated by how easy to learn and
use
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 them. They need support with simple lessons and designs with large fond letters and a few buttons to assist them in following the information or touching
by
Correct pronoun usage
it by
show examples
 hand easily.
In addition
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, machinery brands should give discounts or save their price to help retirees purchase and access those gadgets conveniently.
For example
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, my grandpa can buy an affordable tablet by using his pension thanks to a discount policy for the geriatric population of Samsung. He was discounted 30 percent which is suitable with his savings. It is vital to help with those methods to simplify how to
use
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 hi-tech for them. In conclusion, seniors can be motivated effectively to
use
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 technology through education and provision, and
this
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 certainly improves their
overall
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 quality of
health
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 and community. Individuals and society should support older
people
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 in using technology to make sure that they are technophiles
instead
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 of technophobes

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Coherence & Cohesion
Ensure that the introduction clearly presents the topic and your thesis, highlighting the benefits of technology for the elderly and how they can be encouraged to use it. The introduction should seamlessly lead into the body paragraphs.
Coherence & Cohesion
The logical structure of the essay is adequate, but can be improved. Make sure each paragraph has a clear main idea, and the ideas progress logically from one to the next. Use cohesive devices appropriately to guide the reader through your argument.
Task Achievement
Your examples are relevant, but they can be more specific and detailed to strengthen your argument. Instead of general statements, use concrete examples that clearly illustrate the benefits and encourage the use of technology among the elderly.
Task Achievement
It is important that the essay thoroughly addresses all parts of the prompt. You have provided a complete response to the question with a clear position throughout the essay. Maintain this throughout your writing, ensuring that every point made is relevant to the question.
Task Achievement
Work on developing your ideas further to provide a comprehensive understanding of the topic. While your essay touches on several aspects of the benefits and encouragement for elderly technology use, delve deeper into these points for a richer analysis.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • telemedicine
  • real-time health data
  • videoconferencing
  • social isolation
  • digital literacy
  • user-friendly
  • online banking
  • streaming services
  • e-books
  • telehealth
  • wearable health devices
  • remote consultations
  • accessibility features
  • mental stimulation
  • inclusive technology
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