IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

Some people think that children should be homeschooled when they are very young while others think it is better for them to attend a kindergarten. Which do you think is better? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

#people #children #kindergarten #support
Pre-school
education
 is utterly important for kids to smoothly adapt to the schools. Whilst certain people believe that it is more effective to teach children at
home
, other individuals contend the notion that sending them to a nursery school has a chance of better results on their development. I uphold the view that both methods of teaching are important as long as they give promising results at the initial stages. On the one hand, nowadays, many parents arrange preschool
education
 sessions with their kids
while
 at
home
.
Home
-based
education
 is believed to be delivering a fruitful and comfortable way of teaching students.
For example
,
according to
 the surveys, children who experienced homeschool
education
 at
home
 produced higher results in comparison with their peers who endured ineffective
education
 in crowded teaching classes. It is worth noting that
this
home
education
 is
also
 a pragmatic method since it unveils another perspective on educational topics with a unique interpretation of their parents to raise them as knowledgeable as possible.
On the other hand
, as an alternative to homeschooling, parents
also
 ensure that their children participate in preschool
education
 centres. In spite of the fact that there are more students in the classroom,
this
 does not preclude them from learning
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 but rather helps them to build up new relationships and other soft skills
such
 as emotional intelligence and communication. Consequentially,
this
 will improve their ability to grasp more intricate and complex topics in upper school classes
while
 being able to overcome obstacles that they may encounter in their future lives. In conclusion, despite the fact that each side has noticeable patterns on its own, I firmly believe that both are needed to bring up successful individuals in societies.
Submitted by orkhanshamil on

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coherence cohesion
While the essay presents a basic structure, transitions between paragraphs and ideas could be smoother to enhance the logical flow. Use linking words and phrases to better connect your ideas and paragraphs.
coherence cohesion
Ensure your introduction and conclusion encapsulate the main arguments. Your introduction could clearly state your position, and your conclusion should effectively summarize your points.
coherence cohesion
Support your main points with detailed examples. The examples given are vague and not compelling enough to strongly demonstrate your argument. Use specific and concrete examples for better illustration.
task achievement
Although the essay addresses the topic, it can stray into general statements instead of directly answering the question. Focus on specifically addressing the prompt and stating your position clearly.
task achievement
Present your ideas in a clear and structured manner. Each paragraph should contain one clear idea that is well-developed and directly relates to the essay topic.
task achievement
To boost your score, integrate relevant and specific examples that directly support your points. This strengthens your argument and realizes the full potential of your task response.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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