IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people think that children should only read academic books. Others believe that reading books for pleasure is equally important. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#people #children #books #pleasure
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Children
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 are often encouraged to read;
however
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, there is a debate regarding the kind of
books
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that
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is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 best for them. Should
children
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 only read for educational purposes or should they
also
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 read for fun? In my opinion, both categories of
books
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 are equally important for
children
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’s development. One of the principal reasons why some people prefer that their
children
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 read solely academic literature is because they believe that, by doing so,
children
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 will
further
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 their educational outcomes. Some parents believe that their
children
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 will learn more by reading
books
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 on school subjects, rather than something they are personally interested in.
Fiction
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books
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,
therefore
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, may be seen as a waste of time.
However
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, I do not agree with
this
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 point of view and believe that
books
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 read for enjoyment can help
children
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 develop useful social and academic
skills
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. When people read
fiction
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 —
for example
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, sci-fi or detective stories — they gain a deeper insight into human nature. These
books
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 allow them to live vicariously through characters and experience situations that might be very different to their real lives,
thus
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 increasing their understanding of their own identity
as well as
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 empathy for the emotions and desires of others. These social
skills
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 will be highly valuable in their future and should not be ignored. Apart from the clear social benefits,
fiction
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books
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also
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 have educational value.
Children
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 who read for fun are likely to spend more time reading than those who only read to study. By reading more, they expand their vocabulary, improve their spelling, and become faster readers. All these
skills
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 can help them achieve better results in their education. In conclusion, I firmly believe that reading for enjoyment is as important for
children
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’s future as reading academic
books
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. Not only can
fiction
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books
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 help
children
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 become more socially aware, but
such
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books
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also
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 allow them to improve
skills
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 that will
further
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 their educational achievements.
Submitted by agarwal.bhavi07 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that your essay presents ideas logically, with clear connections between them. Although your argument structure is mostly clear, strive for even more cohesion by incorporating transitional phrases that guide readers smoothly from one idea to the next.
coherence cohesion
Introduction and conclusion are both present and serve their purposes well, but consider expanding your conclusion to fully encapsulate all the nuances of your argument, providing a more thorough resolution.
coherence cohesion
Develop main points with more detailed support to enhance persuasiveness. Include diverse examples or evidence to back up your claims and increase the depth of your analysis.
task achievement
It is commendable that you've attempted to address all parts of the task, reflecting a complete response. However, continue to develop your answers to fully explore the implications and nuances of the question posed. More distinct and precise personal remarks could significantly enhance the essay.
task achievement
Your ideas are clear, but strive to elaborate further and explain your points more comprehensively. Consider developing each point with richer detail and more in-depth reasoning.
task achievement
While the essay contains relevant examples, aim to include more specific instances that clearly illustrate your point of view. Specific examples act as evidence and make your argument more compelling.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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