Nowadays, many schools find it profitable to sell unhealthy food and sugary drinks to students during lunch breaks.

Many public schools find that they are inadequately funded by
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
and must resort to other ways of raising money. Selling
food
Use synonyms
provides a source of revenue
as well as
Linking Words
a service to
students
Use synonyms
but, in my view, the sale of junk
food
Use synonyms
and soft drinks or ‘energy’ drinks is a worrying development. Some people would argue that it is merely a matter of choice. They believe
students
Use synonyms
can make an informed decision about whether to eat and drink products loaded with calories and excess sugar and that, indeed, there are times when
students
Use synonyms
might need an extra energy boost or feel they deserve a sweet treat. Others feel that school
students
Use synonyms
do not yet have the maturity to curb the impulse to buy unhealthy
food
Use synonyms
and may be subject to peer pressure to do so. There are already too many opportunities for youngsters to purchase
this
Linking Words
kind of
food
Use synonyms
elsewhere
Linking Words
, so putting temptation in their way by selling it at school is unacceptable. Those who do not support sales of sugary snacks and beverages say that consumption of these items has adverse long-term effects (diabetes and dental decay,
for example
Linking Words
), and
also
Linking Words
immediate effects on the learning environment. Children are often hyperactive and overexcited after consuming excessive amounts of sugar, making it difficult for them to concentrate on their studies. A local school in my area removed these items from the shop
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
and found an immediate improvement in student concentration and behaviour.
Although
Linking Words
it may be less profitable, surely schools could be persuaded to sell more fruit and nourishing snacks in the interests of a healthier population. It is their role to educate young people about the benefits of a wholesome and balanced diet, not to endorse the consumption of unhealthy, calorie-rich, low-nutrition
food
Use synonyms
and drinks.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Make sure to clearly explain your main points with examples. Expand on how your ideas relate to the topic.
coherence and cohesion
Use connecting words to guide the reader through your essay and show how your ideas link.
positive
Your introduction clearly states your viewpoint and sets the stage for your argument.
positive
You provide specific examples, like the local school improving student behaviour, which strengthens your argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: