IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

In spite of the advances made in agriculture, many people around the world still go hungry. Why is this the case? What can be done about this problem?

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Agronomics and hunger are potentially interrelated. A sparking debate surrounds these two areas, with many arguing that, despite agricultural amelioration, numerous populations are still prone to famine owing to multiple factors.
This
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 essay will shed light on the causes and possible solutions to
this
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 issue.
Firstly
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, the primary drawback is the upsurge in the prevalence of poverty. Many low-income families experience hunger attributed to the unavailability of an appropriate amount of hygienic and nutritious eatables.
For instance
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, in Ethiopia, a lack of employment led to 37 million people dying from starvation.
Furthermore
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, another viable reason is population overgrowth, which dramatically increases the demand for the food supply, and if not met, can evoke food insecurity and ultimately complications
such
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 as malnutrition.
However
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, via a multifaceted approach,
this
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 problem can be dealt with effectively.
To begin
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 with, raising awareness,
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and highlighting
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 the significance of family planning
,
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apply
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 is a fundamental step.
For example
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, the Bangladesh government observed a noticeable and tremendous decline in the number of births per year through initiatives like offering free education on planned parenthood to citizens.
Additionally
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, one other incentive is job facilitation, which serves as a pivotal instrument in mitigating the incidence of
this
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 catastrophe. It not only leads to a flourishing economy but
also
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 alleviates indigence promptly,
thus
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 leading to a decrement in the rate of malnourishment. In conclusion, several elements have contributed to famine globally, but addressing challenges like financial hardships and joblessness are imperative and will certainly aid in dwindling
this
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 crisis with the passage of time.

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What works well

2
coherence and cohesion

The essay has a clear structure, with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion that helps guide the reader through your arguments.

task achievement

The ideas presented are relevant to the topic and demonstrate a good understanding of the issues surrounding hunger and agriculture.

Improvement Suggestions

3
coherence and cohesion

Make sure to provide a clearer connection between your points and the overall argument. The essay's structure is good but could be enhanced with more logical transitions between paragraphs.

task achievement

Expand on your examples for clarity. While your examples are relevant, they could be more specific and detailed to better support your arguments.

coherence and cohesion

In your introduction and conclusion, ensure that you clearly restate the main points you will discuss and summarize them at the end. This helps reinforce your argument and provides a more complete response.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • inequality
  • distribution
  • access to resources
  • climate change
  • natural disasters
  • political factors
  • economic factors
  • agricultural practices
  • infrastructure
  • transportation
  • population growth
  • education
  • knowledge
  • food waste
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