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Writing Samples
Band 7

The only way to improve road safety is to give much stricter punishments on driving offenses. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#road #safety #punishments #offenses
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Road accidents have always been a significant matter of concern, so much so that there is an idea that says the problem can only be solved by punishing driving offenders very strictly.
However
, I do not think
this
 is the only solution,
although
 it could be somewhat effective. On the one hand, it could be helpful to apply serious penalties to reduce the risk of traffic accidents. Theoretically,
this
 not only can prevent lawbreakers from driving thoughtlessly again but
also
 can warn other people against doing that.
For example
, since 2019, when Vietnam laid down strict legislation on alcohol consumption control, the number of crashes caused by drunkenness has decreased.
According to
this
 law, drivers will receive a fine of at least 85 USD for motorcycles and 255 USD for cars if their blood or breath contains alcohol,
besides
 having their driving licence confiscated.
On the other hand
, the above-mentioned solution is not always successful,
hence
 an alternate measure should be proposed. Research conducted in Queensland, Australia, in 2019 shows that traffic infringements did not decrease despite the imposition of serious penalties, suggesting that people’s aggressive driving habits were not successfully deterred.
Therefore
, another measure is needed, and from my perspective, we ought to think about banning private vehicles, at least in a number of areas.
This
 not only contributes to the reduction of road accident risks but
also
 helps to ease environmental problems. In brief, imposing strict punishments
on
Change preposition
for
show examples
 driving offences could be helpful, but only to a certain extent. Since
this
 method cannot defeat reckless driving, another proposal ought to be made,
such
 as prohibiting personal vehicles.
Submitted by lychieuxien on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph of your essay is logically connected to your thesis statement and that your argument progresses naturally from one point to the next. Avoid jumping from one idea to another without clear transitions.
coherence cohesion
Your essay argument can benefit from a more explicit delineation of paragraphs to showcase the sequence of your ideas. Use cohesive devices appropriately to connect sentences and paragraphs for better readability.
task achievement
Address all aspects of the prompt and ensure that your essay provides a clear answer to the question posed. Expand on your ideas with detailed support rather than simply stating them.
task achievement
Continue to provide specific examples as you did in the Vietnam case; this strengthens your task response. However, ensure these instances are fully explained and clearly connected to your argument.
task achievement
To push your score higher, develop your conclusion further by summarizing your points more exhaustively and presenting a final, definitive stance relating to the question.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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