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Band 6.5

Increasing numbers of students are going to university instead of working after high school. What are the advantages and disadvantages for young people who do this?

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An increasing number of students choose to continue their education by attending
university
Use synonyms
 rather than entering the workforce after finishing high school. Enrolling in college can be a pathway to acquiring vocational skills and expertise with the potential to have high-paying employment opportunities,
however
Linking Words
, there are negative aspects to be taken into consideration.
Firstly
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, one benefit of students pursuing
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
higher education is that they develop skills and expertise in areas required for specialist work. Becoming a doctor,
for instance
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, requires in-depth studies in anatomy,
while
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 the IT industry
also
Linking Words
 demands in-depth studies in engineering and algorithms.
Secondly
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, having a higher degree is the key to receiving an increased level of salary.
Therefore
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, achieving a
university
Use synonyms
 degree can help individuals enter a professional workforce with superior compensation compared to a high school diploma.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, one problem when students engage in
university
Use synonyms
 learning is that it potentially leads to lack
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 of work experience to assist in developing an attractive resume
to enter
Verb problem
apply
show examples
for potential Human resources departments to view.
For example
Linking Words
, the majority of employers require at least one year of experience working for junior-level positions. So
this
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 can, in the long run, be challenging when entering the job market. Another possible downside is that committing to a specific field of
university
Use synonyms
 studies early can lead to missing out on the opportunity to discover different career paths or industries. In conclusion,
while
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 attending
university
Use synonyms
 is advantageous as a track for entering the professional workforce, it can
also
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 result in a lack of work experience for building a resume and missing out on opportunities to explore various occupations.

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Task Achievement
Try to elaborate more on your examples. Providing detailed illustrations will make your arguments stronger and more convincing.
Coherence and Cohesion
Consider varying your sentence structures to enhance readability and engagement. Complexity and variety in sentences can add depth to your writing.
Coherence and Cohesion
While addressing both sides of the argument, ensure transitions between paragraphs and ideas are smooth for better flow of information.
Task Achievement
You've clearly addressed both advantages and disadvantages, maintaining a well-balanced discussion.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion effectively encapsulate the main ideas presented, which is integral for a cohesive argument.
Task Achievement
The main points are supported with relevant examples, although more detail could provide a stronger case.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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