IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some say an ageing population creates problems for governments. Others believe there are benefits to society having more elderly people. To what extent do the advantages of possessing an ageing population outweigh the disadvantages?

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Some
people
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 believe that elderly
people
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 should be perceived as problems for the government,
while
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 others have different points of view. In
this
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 essay, I will explain that the benefits of having more old
people
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 overshadow the potential drawbacks. Looking at the reason why senior citizens provide a more positive impact on societies. Even though most residents opine that old
people
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 need more attention, especially on their physical condition, countries around the world require their experience to face current issues.
For instance
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, to deal with the COVID-19 virus, many local authorities in Indonesia consult with
people
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 who live up to 50 years old and have traditional medicine prescriptions from their ancestors.
As a result
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, the number of Covid-19 patients in Indonesia is gradually falling day by day.
Hence
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, it is undeniable that the experiences of old
people
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 are necessary for human civilization. Turning to another advantage of having older
people
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 is their
skills
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. Undeniably, modernization has changed human life, including work opportunities. Without a doubt, many new job vacancies will consider the flexibility
skills
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 that only appeared in young generations,
however
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, for critical jobs associated with human life
such
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 as medical centres, policymakers, and the top industrial sectors. The maturity and patience among the elderly in facing hard conditions and staying long at work are irreplaceable.
Thus
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, it cannot be denied that older members'
skills
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 are still essential, particularly in crucial sectors.
To sum up
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,
although
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 most
people
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 have argued many problems are caused by the ageing population, their
skills
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 and experiences towards their life in some eras are useful for society.

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Introduction
Ensure the introduction presents the topic clearly, briefly outlines both sides, and has a clear thesis statement expressing the writer's opinion.
Coherence & Cohesion
Improve the logical flow by using a variety of transition words and phrases to connect ideas smoothly.
Main Points
Develop paragraphs with a clear main idea, followed by explanation, example, and result for each point to strengthen the argument.
Conclusion
Ensure that the conclusion summarizes the main points and restates the writer's position without introducing new information.
Examples
Include specific, detailed examples to support each argument, ensuring that the examples are directly relevant to the topic.
Task Response
Answer all parts of the prompt fully, providing a balanced consideration of both advantages and disadvantages before stating which one prevails.

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

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